How do you satisfy a bisexual sex drive with one partner?

Dear Love Drive,

I’m a 28 year old bisexual woman. I have a really high sex drive and have dated both men and women. 

I’ve always struggled with the idea of monogamy, but I’ve yet to have a partner who wants to be polyamorous, and in the mean time I’ve become accustomed to monogamous relationships.

My struggle is probably a very silly one… but I always feel like I’m missing something when I’m with either a man or a woman. When I’m dating a lady, I miss dick CONSTANTLY. I miss the warm embrace of a man and his smell and hair and maleness. It’s not something a woman can recreate.

When I’m with a man I miss the way I connect emotionally and intellectually with a woman. I miss the soft skin and lips and hair. Boobs! Ugh.

I’ve had partners tell me they would never date another bisexual after having dated me. Not because  I’m untrustworthy but because they just don’t have everything I want physically and they think I’ll leave them for someone of the opposite sex. Regardless of their gender.

Am I destined to have to choose? Do other bisexuals feel this way? Is it selfish to want both?

I’ve come to the conclusion that a chick with a dick is the way to go. But try finding that without coming across as super offensive!

Sincerely,

I Want It All, F, 28

Hi I Want It All,

So you want your cake and you want to eat it too?

What is cake good for if we can’t eat it? Useless.

I desperately want to see all women naked, all the time, whether I have a girlfriend or not. I don’t know if others feel the same, I suspect they do. Just because I have cake, doesn’t mean I don’t want more.

I’m accustomed to monogamy as well. While I’d love an open relationship, like you, I haven’t met anyone that I’d like to be in one with.

Your partners think you’ll leave them for someone of the opposite sex? That’s silly.

I dated a bisexual woman who was scared I’d leave her for a man, because I told her I blew a guy once. The irony of this was not lost on her, but she was still scared. I get it, I’m scared too.

Whenever you get into a relationship, there’s a risk one partner will leave; that’s how most relationships end. It’s normal. Does it matter the gender of the person? I don’t think so. Does it hurt any less if you leave them for someone of the opposite gender? I don’t know. Probably not. Breakups suck.

You answered your own question.

You struggle with the idea of monogamy, but havent found anyone to be polyamorous with yet.

In the meantime, you enter into monogamous relationships, which doesn’t work, because it’s not what you want. But I suspect you’ll choose something over nothing, so you jump in anyway. That’s what I’ve done. It never works out.

You know what to do. Most people do when they ask a question, they just don’t want to hear the answer. If your case, the answer is pretty sweet.

You can have the cock and the boobs! Ugh.

You can absolutely have exactly what you want. It might not happen when you want it, but it’ll happen.

You’re not being selfish for wanting both. You’re no different than the straight girl who wants two partners. She wants two pieces of cake, you want one piece of cake and one piece of pie. You don’t have to pick between one or the other, but you do have to learn to ask for both.

Don’t compromise. If you want a polyamorous relationship, act like it. Be clear with new people you’re dating before it gets serious.

I’m enjoying my time with you, and I want to be clear that I’m interested in open relationships exclusively. I’ve tried monogamy and it doesn’t work. What are your thoughts on open relationships? How do you feel about it?

As far as finding a chick with a dick, that can be done too, and it doesn’t have to be offensive.

I think you’re looking for a pre-op trans woman. Plenty of trans folks don’t go through surgery for a variety of reasons. Some love their dicks, some don’t have the resources, some aren’t ready. Whatever the case, I’m sure some would be interested in a lovely horny bisexual like you.

Do other bisexuals feel the same way as you?

Probably, but you should ask them, and then ask them out on a date. They’ll understand exactly how you feel.

Go get it!