Dear Love Drive,
How long should you wait to have sex with your partner?
I never know when the right time to have sex is with a new woman I'm dating. Obviously I want to have sex, but I don't want to look too eager and I don't want to look like I don't want it.
Don't wanna wait, 28 M
Anywhere Between Two Hours And One Month
If you're anywhere between two hours and one month you should be OK.
I met a woman on a ferry in British Colombia several years ago and we had sex within 2 hours of meeting each other.
My last girlfriend and I waited 2 dates. Another girlfriend and I waited one month.
There's no right amount of time to wait to have sex with someone. Actually, that's not the true.
The right time is when it feels right for both of you.
You And Your Partner
There's no hard and fast rule as to when you should have sex with someone.
I don't like 'shoulds' because that assumes there's a right way and a wrong way to do something.
The attitude that you should wait the perfect amount of time to have sex with your partner in order to either have the best sex possible, or to not come off as too needy, or too aloof, or to make sure the relationship is going to last, is deeply flawed.
There's no right time to wait to have sex with your partner because we're dealing with two people with different needs, wants, boundaries, and preferences.
The only way to find out when you should have sex, is to check in with the person you want to have sex with.
You Can Ask Your Partner Anything
Including this question.
Asking your partner is an excellent way of finding out what your partner thinks the right time to wait is. You'd be much better off asking them rather than a bunch of strangers on the internet. What do we know anyway?
Here's how you can ask your partner,
I'm loving spending time with you. We haven't had sex yet but I'm excited to and looking forward to it. How long do you want to wait? I'm ready and excited but I can wait longer. I wanted to check in with you.
And then, you know, listen to what they have to say.
You'll learn a lot more by having open conversations with your partner about sex.
Having open and honest conversations with your partner about sex from the get go sets a great precedent. There's nothing hotter and more sexy than being able to talk openly about sex with your partner, and the more you do it the better you'll be at it.
But Can Waiting Make It Better?
Yup. For several reasons.
Women are used to men wanting sex all the time.
It's fun, and exciting to be the one to put the brakes on. Women aren't used to it, and it makes you more desirable because you're showing restraint that few men are able to show.
Waiting won't be easy, but it'll be worth it.
Cultivating intimacy and deepening your relationship with your partner or new crush before having sex will help solidify the connection you both have to each other.
The stronger the connection you have with your partner, the more likely that you'll still be attracted to each other when your sexual arousal has cooled off a bit.
There's no hard and fast rule here. The best way to find out how long you should wait is to check in with yourself, and with your partner.
But seriously, you've probably waited long enough.