Does having sex with him too soon put me on the slut list?

Dear Love Drive, 

Does having sex too soon with a man automatically put me on the slut list?

I met a guy out dancing a few weeks ago.

He was laying it on pretty thick but he was so charming and made me laugh. We had such a sweet connection. We didn’t sleep together that night despite his multiple attempts but we did end up sleeping together a few days later and the sex was phenomenal. 

Then I don’t hear from him for eight days! I finally texted him and he was really nonchalant about having a crazy week. I was pretty upset and asked him what his intentions were. He said it was always just to bang me.?

How do I stop this from happening to me? Does having sex too soon with a man automatically put me on the slut list?

I’m a modern fucking woman who likes to get busy but would still love dinner and a legitimate date afterwards.

Am I putting the cart before the horse?

Modern Fucking Woman, 35

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Hi Modern Fucking Woman,

First of all. No. Having sex “too soon” with a man doesn’t automatically put you on the slut list. It puts you on the I like to have sex and I don’t need to wait a certain amount of time to have it list. Welcome to the list. I’m on it too. There are a lot of us here. It’s a fun list.

There’s no such thing as “too soon”. There are no rules on when to have sex with a new partner. In all my long term relationships we’ve had sex on the second or third date and I was often the one that slowed the pace down. Not to keep them guessing or to play games but to build up the excitement.

I’m too old to play games, and I always forget the rules. If I feel like texting someone I just text them. When I don’t, I don’t. When I like someone I tell them. If they like me hopefully they’ll tell me.

People play games because they want something but are afraid to ask for it. Instead they act a certain way in the hopes that they’ll get what they want. After your guy didn’t contact you for 8 days it was pretty clear he was just after sex. When you asked him what his intentions were, he told you. If he’d told you he was only interested in sex when you first met you might have turned him down.

How do you stop this from happening? It depends on what you want.

If it’s just sex you’re after then it doesn’t matter if they call or text. After all, you’re a modern fucking woman. Knock yourself out.

If you really like the guy however and want a proper date then make sure he actually likes you before having sex with him. Set his balls on fire and ask him what his intentions are. If he’s honest and awesome he’ll tell you and you can make your decision. You can absolutely find people out there who want what you want. Get good at asking for it and you’ll have a better chance of finding it.

Remember Modern Fucking Woman, you’re worthy of the best kind of love out there. Go get it.