How to talk about sexual health before having sex

Talking about sexual health doesn’t come naturally to us. It’s never easy, can be full of shame, and no one showed us how to do it. But not talking about it is how STIs get spread.

Here are four reasons why you should talk about your sexual health first and exactly what to say.

But I Don’t Want To Talk About Sexual Health

After the first couple of dates, and the first couple kisses, the time for sexual connection is near, and a critical conversation has to happen.

Unfortunately, the topic of one’s sexual health is not an easy one to bring up. We don’t yet have the tools to do it effectively. We didn’t learn it in school, and our parents didn’t show us how to do it.

Bringing up that you have or have had a sexually transmitted infection can be terrifying.

What if your partner decides they don’t want to have sex with you anymore?

What if they scream in horror when you tell them you have herpes?

Both of these scenarios, while possible, are highly unlikely.

To have great, safe, responsible sex, we absolutely must learn how to have conversations about sex.

It’s a required part of being a sexually active adult.

Also, it turns out that talking about sex will make you better at sex. Who knew?

Luckily for us, talking about sexual health doesn’t have to be uncomfortable or awkward. And just like everything in life, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Four reasons to bring up your sexual health first

1. It’s part of being a sexually active adult

Sexually transmitted infections are a reality, and the conversation about sexual health is part of being a sexually responsible adult.

If you’re not comfortable bringing up your sexual history, then you shouldn’t be having sex. Period.

2. If you don’t bring it up, they probably won’t either

If you don’t initiate the talk about sexual health, then your partner is less likely to bring it up, either. It’s the unfortunate truth.

If you bring it up first, your partner will be more likely to reciprocate in kind, allowing for an honest conversation between the two of you.

You can then both make an informed decision about whether you’d like the connection to continue on its previous course, or to keep the clothes on and think about it some more.

3. You are responsible for your sexual health

Only you are truly accountable for your sexual health. No one else. If you don’t take care of yourself, who will?

Are you willing to risk getting a sexually transmitted infection because you were too shy to talk about your sexual health?

4. It’s sexy as fuck

Being able to talk freely and openly about sex, sexual health, and what turns you on is incredibly sexy.

It shows maturity and confidence.

Talking about your sexual history and your sexual health will not kill the mood. If anything, it’ll make the whole situation much more exciting, sexy, and hot.

So, how to bring it up?

When the action starts to get hot and heavy, but before either of you touch any genitals, slowly pull back and take a breath. Look your partner square in the eyes, and say, 

I don’t want to be presumptuous about what may or may not happen between us right now, but before we go any farther, I’d like to talk about sexual health.

Your partner might need a second to switch gears, followed by a look of relief. 

Most people want to have this conversation, but they have a hard time bringing it up. 

At this point, share what you need to share. Talk about the last time you had an STI test and what the results were. If you have an STI, share what you know, the risk of transmission, and if you’re contagious.

My last test was two months ago. The results came back negative for all STIs, though I have had warts in the past, which are a symptom of HPV. I don’t currently have any warts; I had them treated about six months ago, and I haven’t had any since.

Share your sexual health practices, how you protect yourself, and if you’ve had unprotected sex since your last test.

I’ve had two partners since my last test. I always use condoms for penetrative sex, and I never use barriers when performing oral sex. I had this conversation with both those partners, and as far as I know, they were both negative for STIs as well.

After that, offer to answer any questions, and then ask them to share with you their status and practices. 

Do you have any questions I might answer for you? If not, would you care to share with me your sexual health, the last time you were tested, and what your safer sex practices are?

That’s it. It doesn’t have to be more complicated than that.