Featured Image by the incredibly talented : Sidney Erthal Photography
Almost every Burning Man virgin I know has in some way, shape, or form been obsessed with having sex at Burning Man. But having sex at Burning Man is a lot like having sex in real life; it's not so easy to come by if you don't know the secret handshake.
Oh, you didn't know there was a secret handshake? Well, read on my dusty little love muffin.
Wanna Get Laid at Burning Man?
Join the club. Having sex at Burning Man is like trying to find the holy grail for some folks. And I get it, I've been there too. We've all been there at some point. And some are still there, looking for that holy grail.
If you’re reading this you probably fall into one of three (theme) camps.
- You have sex at Burning Man (great work!)
- You don’t have sex at Burning Man (OK, that's cool...)
- You wish you COULD have (more) sex at Burning Man (welcome to the club...)
People belonging to the first camp, I get you.
I love having sex, period (I also love having period sex but that’s a topic for another post). But I especially love having sex at Burning Man.
There’s something about the desert, the heat, the scantily clad humans, the sleep deprivation, and the sensory overload that makes having sex at Burning Man even more exciting than normal.
It’s the sexiest place I know, and getting to connect sexually with someone can be extremely, well, umm, sexy. And really fucking intimate (and fun!).
Some People Just Don't Have Sex at Burning Man
I’ve talked to enough of you to understand that what it takes to have fun, connected, clean(ish), intimate sex at Burning Man goes above and beyond what you’re willing to do.
Having sex at Burning Man is not without it's challenges and some people just aren't up to the task. No big deal. It's not for everyone.
Maybe it’s not a priority for you because you’re in it for the art and the dancing.
Or perhaps you’re really committed to your theme camp (I’m sure it’s an awesome theme camp by the way!) or you’re ALL ABOUT running the Burning Man Ultra Marathon....and then recovering from it.
Or maybe you don’t do casual sex. Just cuz you're at Burning Man doesn't mean you're going to start. Right on. You do you boo boo.
And Some Just Want A Playa Miracle
The rest of you probably fall into the camp of wishing you could be having sex at Burning Man but not really sure how to go about it.
Maybe you’ve gotten lucky once but haven’t been able to reproduce those results. Perhaps you see people hooking up left and right and you wonder what those folks have that you don’t.
Or maybe no matter what you do or how hard to try, you still end up walking back to your dusty little tent at the end of a disappointing night.
This article might be too little too late for some of you, but it's never too early to get a head start on next years preparation.
The Man Burns In:
That's quite a bit of time. In the meantime, listen to these two episodes about having sex at Burning Man. I think you'll enjoy them.
The Love Drive Burning Man Podcast Episodes
5 Myths About Having Sex at Burning Man
1. Burning Man is Just One Big Ol’ Orgy
I know of two camps offering a safe and private play space where it’s appropriate for you to experience group sex: The Orgy Dome and The Orgy Bus. There might be a few more underground camps but for the most part, the orgies are far and few between.
If you're banking on going to an orgy to get your rocks off, you might want to reconsider. Most organized play spaces require you to show up with a partner and to adhere to a strict code of conduct to make sure everyone has a pleasant experience.
And most sex parties/sex workshops at Burning Man often forbid single men to attend. Unless you're looking for gay parties, in which case, for the most part, the more the merrier!
2. Everyone is Naked At Burning Man
99% of folks at Burning Man are wearing enough clothing 99% of the time to fully conceal their genitals.
Some notable exceptions are topless bike rides and shirtcocking parties but for the most part, most people aren't naked.
Sure, they may be scantily clad during the day because it's HOT AS BALLZ and wearing booty shirts and a tiny top is all you can do to not pass out from heat exhaustion.
3. It’s Easy To Get Laid at Burning Man
It'll be about as easy to have sex at Burning Man as it is for you to have sex outside of Burning Man.
If you're not used to having casual sex in your daily life, your chances won't magically increase just because you're at Burning Man.
The normal rules of attraction, courtship, and consent apply, but on an accelerated schedule.
4. Everyone Is Filthy
Dirty little dust muffins are filthy, but even they clean up well after a bird bath and some baby wipes.
People have access to "showers" (I'm using the word in the loosest way possible here). From RVs, to portable sun showers, to large scale camp showers, to washing in a soapy bucket; people bathe. Maybe not as much as they should, but most do.
Sure, some folks are deep into their mystical journey. They'll leave camp and return several days later covered in untold layers of playa, sunscreen, sweat, tears, unicorn juice and glitter.
But even the most dedicated power hippie will be as good as new after a quick power wash.
5. It’s Too Hot to Have Sex
Well. Actually, that's not entirely wrong. It IS hot as balls.
But it does cool down in the evening and can even dip into the single digits at night. Sure, having sex when it's a sweltering 116 degrees can be a bit brutal, but really, what else would you rather be doing?
You're already a big sweaty mess you might as well be a big sweaty mess having sex with a sexy sweaty woman (or man, or unicorn, I don't really care who you invite into your love palace).
Now that we've gotten some myths out of the way, let's get to what you're really here for.
5 Tips To Help You Have Sex At Burning Man
1. Go Talk To People!
Step one of meeting someone to have sex with um...meeting someone to have sex with. And you can't do that unless you go meet people.
So put on your fanciest dress, get on your bike, and go on an adventure. Go talk to people with no expectation that you'll have sex with them.
Ask them what they love about Burning Man. Ask them if they can recommend a theme camp you should visit. Ask them what scary and exciting things they've done that day.
Most folks at Burning Man are open to being approached and will gladly engage with you, as long as you don't give them a creepy crawly vibe.
* I completely understand that going up to people can be a nerve-wracking experience and much easier said than done. If you're shy, nervous, an introvert, or simply don't have much experience going up to strangers remember this:
No one knows you at Burning Man and you have nothing to lose. Use it as one big crazy experiment. You can do this. If things get awkward, simply say "OK thanks!" and walk away. They'll think you were part of some weird performance art they didn't understand.
2. Use Your Words!
So you met a cutie and you two are hitting off? Great!
Don't be afraid to ask her if she's single. If she says yes, ask her if she wants to get naked with you. Or invite her on a playa date.
Can it be that easy?
Yes. Totally. It can 100% be that easy. But you know, you just have to do it. Use your words. Trust me, most people don't do this. You'll stand out and get a better chance of getting what you want (sex, remember?!).
Here are a few things you can ask after you've made sure that your potential playa squeeze is single (or available to play if they happen to be in an open relationship):
- I think you're great and I'm really attracted to you. Would you like to get naked with me?
- I'm having a great time with you. Would you like to have a sleepover with me?
- Do you want to ride bikes and make out?
- Do you want to come back to my camp and we can wash all this dust off? I have a shower/bucket/epic baby wipe/whatever?
- Would you like to take each others clothes off and roll around in the dust?
If they say no, just reply with:
OK, My loss!
And walk away. Or continue hanging out if you're really enjoying their company and are OK with not getting naked. You can have a blast with people and still keep your clothing on. It's completely 100% possible.
If they say yes, then good job, you're about to (hopefully) have sex at Burning Man. You won Burning Man!
3. Stop Trying So Damn Hard!
Expect not to get laid, and when you go back to your camp all alone, you won't be disappointed.
Going out with the expectation of getting laid is a surefire way of not getting laid. It's like going out looking for a $100 bill on the ground (read more about this concept here).
Odds are you'll spend all day looking at the ground and still come home empty handed. Women can spot dudes on the prowl from a mile away and will do just about anything to avoid you.
Instead, go out with the intention of meeting people you can have a connection with. If you happen to make a connection with someone you're attracted to, great. You're one step closer to maybe having sex at Burning Man.
If you end up making a whole bunch of connections with awesome people you don't want to sleep with (or who don't want to sleep with you), amazing. You just made a ton of incredible friends. Great work.
4. Clean Your Room!
Make your home swanky and inviting. There's nothing sexy about a hot, dusty, stinky little tent with a half inflated alligator floatie as a mattress.
Transform your regular tent into a cozy little love nest by making some small upgrades.
Solar powered Christmas lights (on a dimmer), a double bed (at the very least), a solar powered fan, some tapestries, and some cozy bedding can really turn your home vibes around.
Even better, build a yurt or get your hands on a dome to really upgrade your home.
This was my home for 8 years. A total pain the ass to bring out and set up, but 100% worth it, all day, every day.
5. Wash Your Ass!
Seriously. Wash your ass. Often. And then wash the rest of your body (including your genitals).
Don't have a shower at your camp? Use a bucket with peppermint Bronner's (it'll make your butthole tingle) and wash yourself with a washcloth. Easy peasy. Or make friends with your neighbor and ask to use their swanky shower setup. Bring your own water (and Jameson's to share).
In between showers, use unscented baby wipes to get rid of the sunscreen/lotion/sweat/playa combo. Baby wipe yourself before going to bed. Don't forget your feet bro, those things are looking hella dry!
Also, these Epic Wipes were a godsend. A baby wipe big enough to wash a bear (their words not mine). Highly recommend you grab a 10 pack of these bad girls.
It's Just Like Real Life, Simply Accelerated
Having sex at Burning Man is a lot like having sex in real life. Because at the end of the day, Burning Man is real life.
Sure, it's full of young(ish), sexy (ish), open(ish) people looking to have a good time. But the laws of attraction, common sense, and decency still apply at Burning Man.
You still need to approach people, introduce yourself, have a conversation, generate interest and spark, and be open and available for connection.
But once you've met someone who's interested in you and you feel a genuine connection with, you can be much more forward than in 'real life'.
Try it. You have nothing to lose and if you get rejected, you can always go find a public fleshlight....