Can a relationship survive on pure love alone?

Dear Love Drive,

Can a relationship survive on pure love alone?

A kind, respectful, and exciting passion that doesn't involve sexual contact?

Just Love, 45

Dear Just Love,

My mom has an expression she loves to say in French. I’ve translated it for you:

“All you need is love and fresh water”.

But knowing my mother I’ve learned to read between the lines so what she really means in “all you need is love, good sex, and fresh water”.

Every time I tell her about a new woman I’ve met her first question is always “how’s the sex?”

Can a relationship survive on pure love alone?

That depends on how important sex is to you and your partner. A relationship certainly can survive on love alone but can it thrive? Perhaps.

Sex can be beautiful and powerful. And a bit scary at times. But mostly it just feels really good and can help build intimacy in relationship.

I’m a bit of an intimacy junkie so for me I wouldn’t want to be in a sexless relationship unless I could have sex with other partners. That’s not to say that you can’t build intimacy without sex.

The question for you becomes are you OK with not having sex?

If you can honestly answer yes to this question then who’s to say your relationship can’t work? Make it happen.

If a sexless life isn’t for you then maybe look outside the relationship for sexual satisfaction. You say your love is kind, respectful, and passionate so perhaps there’s room for seeing other people for the explicit purpose of having your sexual needs fulfilled.

The great thing about relationships is that you can structure them however works for you. If you and your partner are OK not having sex, and are perfectly satisfied with that arrangement then enjoy it. It doesn’t matter what other people think, they should be worrying about being happy in their own relationship. If your arrangement stops working then figure out what it takes to make it work.

Have an honest conversation with your partner about what kind of sex life you want, what kind of sex life they want, and if you can give it each other. This might include other partners, or it might include some other arrangement that I haven’t thought of or even know about. Or it might include you two nurturing a loving, passionate, and respectful relationship that doesn’t involve sex.

Whatever you do make sure that it makes you and your partner incredibly happy and you can’t go wrong.

In the meantime I’ll be over here fantasizing about having sex with my future girlfriend and then taking her to brunch.

Bold Enough To Share?

Shaun Galanos

Shaun Galanos is The Love Drive. He believes that talking about sex and love isn't always easy, but it doesn't have to be awkward. He lives in Montreal.