He Wants More Than Casual Sex, What Now?

Dear Love Drive,

I’m a recently single 25 year old lady.

I met this dude on tinder and we started sleeping together. I told him I just really want to be single, no relationships. 

He started texting and calling more than usual.

Then he told me he really wants to introduce me to friends and treat me like a girlfriend. He’s worried that his frequent texting is scaring me off, but explained how he doesn’t get too clingy in relationships and it won’t consume my life. He sounded less desperate than I’m making him sound, but only a little. 

I feel like an asshole because if we keep hanging out, I know he’ll be wanting more. But if I end it, he’ll also be sad. But the sex is good!

Mighty love god, tell me what to do!

Trynna Stay Single, W, 25

Hey Trynna Stay Single,

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.

Erica Jong said that. Wise lady.

I’ve been in his shoes before

I desperately wanted more than my girlfriend at the time could give me. It was never enough. I constantly made plans for the next time we would hang out. Being together in the moment wasn’t enough, I needed to know when I could get my next fix.

Hanging out with her was like a drug to me. It’s too bad, because I didn’t see her for who she was, only what she could give me. It was sad. She finally put me out of my misery. 

You’re not available

It sounds like you can’t give him what he wants, that he wants more than what’s available.

You’ve been clear with him about your intentions and what level of intimacy you’re available for, and he’s not able to respect that. Some people can’t accept what’s on offer, it’s common. Happens all the time.

If this were a serious relationship, I’d give you different advice, but it’s not, and you want to stay single.

It’s a lose – lose

You said it yourself. You know he’ll always be wanting more, but he’ll be hurt if you break up with him. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. The sex is the only thing keeping this thing together.

Breakups suck, they’re never easy. You might as well get it over with sooner rather than later. The sooner you end it, the sooner he can start getting over you. Imagine if you guys were in a more committed relationship, it would suck more.

Enjoy being single. You sound like a lovely lady. There are plenty of lovely people out there you could be having awesome sex with who won’t make excessive demands on your time and will respect your wishes and your boundaries.

Find them!