a couple of years ago

Asking People Out Safely with Charlie Glickman


Thank goodness Charlie Glickman is on the show. It's post #metoo and I'm more aware of how I approach women, how I invite them on dates, and how I escalate sexual encounters. I'm less bold than I have been in the past because I'm scared of coming off as creepy. And I know I'm not alone. 

Charlie Glickman, Ph.D. is a sex educator, sex & relationship coach, and co-author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure. He shares with us his invitation template for creating a situation for people to say yes rather than situations where they have to say no. Whether you're asking for a date, sex, or a business meeting, you can use this invitation template just about anywhere. 

We  also discuss why some people have a hard time saying no, what it means to be sexually empowered, and take a quick peek at what it means to pleasure your prostate.

 Key Takeaways (or what you'll learn):

  • How to use the 'Invitation Template' to invite anyone to anything
  • How compliance creates dangerous hookup situations (and how to avoid compliance)
  • Why we're hardwired to avoid confrontation
  • A mini deep dive into prostate play (for straight, gay, and queer prostates)

The Charlie Glickman Show Notes

Charlie Glickman Ph.D. is a sex & relationship coach, a sexuality educator, a sexological bodyworker, and an internationally-acclaimed speaker. Charlie Glickman's website is http://www.makesexeasy.com/

Get his book The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners.

Free resources on prostate pleasure can be found at P Spot Book

Read Charlie's blog post How to Get Freaky Without Being Creepy.

Read Charlie's blog post Consent Accidents and Consent Violations.

Charlie Glickman can be found on Facebook.

Mantak Chia wrote the book The Multi-Orgasmic Man and it's a must read if you want longer more pleasurable orgasms. 

 Martin has some amazing free resources and videos on her website. You can watch a video series on The Wheel of Consent .

Carey French teaches workshops and writes blog posts on Embodied Consent.

Lynne Forrest wrote the article The Three Faces of Victim – An Overview of the Drama Triangle.

This show has been produced by Shaun Galanos with help from Gilford Street Studios. 

The Charlie Glickman Transcript

Shaun Galanos: Charlie, could you please introduce yourself?

Charlie Glickman: My name is Charlie Glickman and I am a sex and relationship coach.

I'm also a somatic sex educator based out of Seattle, Washington, and I'm one of the two authors of the "Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners".

Shaun Galanos: You wrote a blog post that says "How to Get Freaky Without Being Creepy". This is something that I have been thinking about a lot lately especially post Me Too Movement.

I am attracted to women and I often want to connect with them and now I'm more scared to. I am more scared to be as bold as I have been in the past.

You wrote this blog post that I love and I think a lot about being creepy, and so I guess we could just start off by sort of explaining what does creepy behavior look like nowadays.

Charlie Glickman: It's hard to answer that question because everyone you ask is going to have a different answer for what creepy is. I know this because when I teach my workshop "How to Get Freaky Without Being Creepy", that's one of the questions that I ask the group and I get a really wide range of responses.

Rather than focusing on what the behaviors are, I think it's more useful to focus on how they land, how the person receiving them feels. When we look at it through that lens, then creepy is a degree of closeness or intimacy or moving into somebody else's space that is inappropriate for the situation or unwanted by that person.

This is where it starts getting really challenging because you might approach two different people in the exact same way and one person might say that it was totally welcome and totally fine and the other person will say, "Oh wow, that was creepy," and that's because they have different ideas about what they want.

Creepy is defined by the experience of the person being approached and that's what makes this so ambiguous and this is why so many men in particular are worried about this right now.  I know that this is a scary time because we might not know what the rules are.

I think this is also an opportunity for us though to build a little bit of empathy. The apprehension and anxiety that we, generally speaking, are starting to feel around being creepy or not, is a small fraction of the kind of anxiety and fear that, for example, women experience just walking through city streets on a daily basis.

I think this is an opportunity for men to get a little bit of empathy and understanding of what is it like to be on guard and worried and apprehensive.

I also want to be clear, I'm talking about men and women here because that's the general trend that we see. We see some different patterns for some transgender people, but given that cisgender people are the ones who are the majority folks and certainly the people who are driving the bus on all of this, that's really who I'm talking about here.

Shaun Galanos: Cismen are the ones that are generally perpetrating creepy behavior and ciswomen are the ones that are, for the most part, receiving it.

Just recently I've seen several of my female friends on Facebook writing these posts about what they do to prevent from being catcalled on the street.

They'll make resting bitch face, there's like a series of strategies, which is so sad.

Charlie Glickman: I think this is something that most men are completely unaware of because we're not seeing it. It's not something that we are doing as a general rule. It's not something that happens in front of us.

As a sex educator and coach, I talk with people all day long about their relationships or how they navigate sexual dynamics. I hear a lot of stories. For the men out there, really trust me— most of the women who really are putting all of that time and effort into managing that and the amount of concern or anxiety that we might feel is a small taste of that.

Click below to read the full transcript. 

Read The Full Charlie Glickman Transcript here.

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Shaun Galanos

Shaun Galanos is a love coach and he teaches communication and intimacy tools for better relationships and more love.