I’m nervous about telling my family I’m getting a vasectomy

Dear Love Drive,

I’m nervous about telling my family I’m getting a vasectomy, or anyone for that matter.

I think I’ll be looked down upon in society and may not find partners interested if I’m not able to have a child.

I’m wondering what others experience or thoughts are… and if one “has” to tell their family?

Snipping  It, M, 33

Hi Snipping It,

You’ve made a decision to have a vasectomy

Awesome. A vasectomy is the most effective permanent form of contraception available to men today. .

Choosing to have one is a very personal decision and falls under the umbrella of ‘your sex life’. Your sex life is just that, it’s yours. No one has a right to know anything about it other than what you want them to know.

Your parents probably want grandchildren

And you getting a vasectomy is going to significantly impact those wishes. But that’s too bad. You’re under no obligation to disclose if you don’t want to. And you’re certainly not going to have children to make your parents happy.

The topic of you having children might eventually come up at the dinner table. You could say:

I’m not planning on having kids

Hopefully they’ll be loving and supportive parents. They’ll understand you’re making this decision for you, because it’s what you want for your life.

If they’re not supportive, you can remember to avoid this topic in the future. Bummer, but sometimes parents and children don’t see eye to eye.

Society can eat a dick

It doesn’t matter what society thinks. Letting society dictate what we should or shouldn’t do is a losing proposition. No matter what you do someone will always think you’re doing it wrong. Some people suck, avoid them.

Some people will think you’re crazy, some will think it’s cool, but most just won’t care. They’ll understand that you’re doing what you need to do.

You’re not alone

You’re not the only one that doesn’t want children. Plenty of other folks either don’t want, or can’t have kids. Find these people. If you’re online dating, write this in your profile: ‘I’m not planning on having children’. Leave the vasectomy out of it.

The topic of having kids will come up on dates like it normally does. You’ll tell ’em you don’t want kids. Some people will be into it, and some won’t. The sooner you find out they don’t want kids, the better of you’ll be.

Find a safe person to talk to

Vasectomies shouldn’t be regarded as reversible. The surgery available to reverse it (a vasovasectomy) is expensive, lengthy and painful. Your ability to conceive via intercourse after the surgery is only 5%.

Talk to someone you trust so they can help you make sure you’re getting a vasectomy for the right reasons. I know some men who wished they had used a less less permanent form of male birth control.

If you’re 100% though, go for it.

You’re a lovely person who has made a courageous decision

Stick with it and know that you’ll be OK. There are other lovely people. They’ll love you just the way you are, whether your sperm shoots out your penis or gets re-absorbed by your body.