a few months ago

7 Reasons Why You’re Single and What You Can Do About It

why you're single

Spring time is here and while the birds are chirping up a storm and the squirrels are getting more action than you are, you're sitting there wondering why you're single. I know why. 

Here are the top 7 reasons why you're single, and what you can do today to change your situation...​

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It really sucks being single

Especially this time of the year. It seems like everywhere you look, love is in the air. And it's pretty annoying when you're single. 

Where's your girlfriend? When you're single it seems like everyone has someone to go home to. Even the douchebag at work with the frosted tips is getting laid and you're stuck at home on a Friday night wondering where your love is. 

I stopped looking for my love a long time ago, because love isn't something you find by looking for it.

The harder you look for love, the less likely you'll find love. That's how it works. 

We should all be getting a little loving

The first step in finding someone to spend some time with is to examine why you're single in the first place. 

A little introspection here can go a long way to helping you understand why you're single, and what you can do about changing your situation. 

While we can't find love by looking for it, we can certainly find a date if we want one. 

And some say getting a date comes before love so we're on the right path. 

Can you change you?​

Before we go get a date, let's look at why you're single, and what you can do to change your situation.

Often it's a little something we can tweak that will help us get closer to meeting someone to spend some time with. 

Sometimes it's a slight shift in perspective, ​or a change in our daily habits, or a simple little boost to do something we're afraid of doing that can make the difference between being home alone on the weekend and having a fun date to go on. 

And other times, there's not much you can do but allow time to do it's work. 

7 reasons why you're single and what you can do about it. 

1. You're too picky

You have unrealistic expectations of other people and you think you deserve it all, even though you don't have it all yourself. No one is good enough for you, so you'll keep looking for the perfect person. 

Your partner must be this tall, weigh this much, have this much money, and like to do these things. You have high standards, but they're unrealistic because not even you can meet those standards. This is why you're single.

why you're single

Here, I got you this mug. You and this mug can be together forever.

What you can do: Lower your standards. Perfection doesn't exist. You get back what you put into life. Turn those high standards on yourself instead of expecting others to meet them. You'll be much more likely to find someone that matches your desires if you yourself have the qualities which you seek in others. 

2. You're heartbroken

Ouch. Your little heart is still tender from a recent heartbreak. This hurts and is going to take the time it takes. The silver lining is that you’ve been lucky enough to have the kind of love that leaves you heartbroken when it's gone, and that some people will never experience that kind of love.

What you can do: Surround yourself with loved ones and take care of your heart, your mind, your body, and your soul. Yoga, sad music, picnics with friends, hikes in nature. Nourish yourself so that you can be big and strong when you come out of it.

3. You have low self esteem

Low self esteem and low confidence can be crippling and a complete 100% barrier to meeting new people. I'm proud of you for looking at your options. Overcoming low self esteem and low confidence is hard work. It'll take baby steps, lots of time, and a willingness to slowly improve your situation.

What you can do: Cultivating self love, and slowly increasing your confidence can help with your self esteem. Spending time with friends, taking a class you've wanted to take, mastering a skill you've been working on, and slowly upping your confidence will help in the long run.

Oh, and knowing deep down that you're good enough just the way you are and completely deserving of love today. 

4. You're shy

Social anxiety and shyness are a real thing and shouldn’t be underestimated. That being said, no one ever died of saying an awkward hello to someone. Ever. It's true, I've done it hundreds of times and I'm still here. 

What you can do: Meeting people is a skill like any other. The more you do it, the better you get at it. Look at it as one big social experiment where the results don’t matter. Your only goal is to get some practice at talking to people. 

But you won't improve staying glued to the wall at your friends party. Grab a drink and boldly go introduce yourself to one new person. And then find out 3 interesting things about them.

5. You're stuck in your routine

You'll meet zero people if you stay in on a Friday night in your PJs. I know your routine is comfortable, but you'll need to step out of it if you want to meet some people.

What you can do: Easy. Shake up your routine. Look for situations that will put you in contact with people. Art shows, live music, public gatherings, sports, anything where people come together for a common purpose.

Make weekend plans early in the week. Commit to some sort of social engagement and when the time rolls around to go and it's the LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO, go. Get dressed and get out the door. When you finally make it back home, you’ll be glad you went. 

6. You're scared of getting hurt

Your last relationship left you a bit worse for the wear and you're pretty hesitant to get back in the ring. I get it.

There’s nothing better in life than intimacy and vulnerability with another human being. The problem is that in order to get there, we have to open ourselves up to be hurt.

why you're single

It's OK to be scared of getting hurt. It's also OK to walk through that fear.

What you can do: The fear of getting hurt is real. You should listen to it, and then you should shove it deep in your pocket and boldly walk towards love, intimacy and vulnerability. You may get hurt again, but love is almost always worth getting hurt over.

7. You're still working on yourself

Good. We should always be working on ourselves. That's how we grow.

But working on ourselves doesn’t mean that we can’t meet someone along the way. We’re a work in progress for the rest of our lives. We’ll never be perfect, the most we can do is strive for progress. Don’t hide behind the excuse that you still have work to do. The work is never over.

What you can do: Go out and meet people knowing that we’re all working on ourselves all the time. Some more than others, but for the most part we're all growing and we're all a work in progress and we can find love no matter where we are in the growth process. 

The good news

The good news is that being single is, for the most part, a temporary state.

By reading this blog you're acknowledging that there's a reason why you're single, and that there's something you can do about it. Do it. 

Work on yourself when it's obvious what needs working on, take care of yourself and those around you, and try to meet people in your daily life on a daily basis. 

With this attitude, you can't lose no matter what happens. 

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Shaun Galanos

Shaun Galanos is The Love Drive. He believes we all deserve love and works to help men (and women) develop more intimate relationships through honest and playful communication. He lives, writes, and makes videos in Montreal.

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