I hate pickup lines. Pickup lines are everything that’s wrong with dating nowadays. But if you're going to use a pickup line, use the perfect pickup line.
No Room For Games In Sex And Love
Games have no business in love and dating. We should all strive to be as honest and genuine as possible when we're talking about something as precious and tender as the heart.
My philosophy to playing games bears repeating:
I don’t know the rules, so I refuse to play.
Using pickup lines feels too much like playing games to me, and I'm not interested in playing games. Also, I don't know the rules.
Women aren't something you pick up on the way home. You're not going to cruise by the supermarket for some milk, eggs, and a woman.
They're human beings. Just like you. Or your sister. Or your mother.
Why Meeting People Is So Awkward
Meeting people is awkward. That's just how it is.
Put two people together for the first time, and there's a high chance that it'll be awkward.
Awkward is normal.
We're not supposed to have it all figured out. We don't come into this world with excellent social skills. We have to learn the hard (and awkward) way.
There's pressure to say the right thing, nerves over not knowing how the other person will respond, and having to overcome the fear of rejection.
That's the perfect storm to make introducing yourself to people awkward.
I've been approaching and meeting women for well over 20 years, and I still get nervous, awkward, and fear rejection.
It happened last week.
A woman said 'hi' to me on the street as I was walking my dog. I was startled. I replied,
She looked at me weird, and I quickly walked away.
I'm My Own Biggest Enemy
Before it even has a chance to get awkward, I'll try to talk myself out of saying hi to someone.
I do it all the time.
My brain starts going through all the reasons why I shouldn't introduce myself to someone. I’m in self-preservation mode. I don’t want to experience any discomfort so I talk myself out of doing things that could be potentially uncomfortable.
These are things I tell myself:
She won't want to talk to me or think that I have nothing to offer. She's too busy. She's not available. She won't find me funny.
Sure, these are all real possibilities, but I'll never know unless I find out the hard way. And the only way to find out is by talking to them. Ugh.
Life would be less awkward if I didn't have to talk to anyone, that's for sure.
But I love people, and I want beautiful, loving people in my life.
So I challenge myself to have those conversations in the first place. And I almost always have to make the first move.
Men Still Have To Make The First Move
It sucks but that’s how it is.
You can fight it, or learn to accept it. Your choice.
I’ve learned to accept it. I'm done fighting.
If I want to meet a woman, I have to approach her first and risk her rejecting me. But rejection is like everything in life. The more you do it, the better you get at it.
Need help with rejection? Jump to these three posts....
Making the first move can be daunting if you don’t know what to say. Luckily for you, I’ve fucked up enough times to figure out what works and what doesn’t.
The perfect pickup works. It’s a simple strategy that can be adapted to any situation, at any time, with anyone.
Sounds too good to be true, right? It sort of is.
How To Use The Perfect Pickup Line
This is going to sound basic, but whatever. I’m a basic guy. I need shit to be easy, or else I’ll fuck it up. That includes going up to women and talking to them.
The perfect pickup line is made up of three components. A greeting, a true statement (often a feeling), and a question.
You walk up to someone, say hello, followed by something you know to be true (often a feeling), followed by a question.
That’s it. No pickup lines to remember. Easy as 123.
If you’re too nervous to introduce yourself to someone, you say,
‘Hey, I’ve wanted to introduce myself for some time now, but I get nervous thinking about it. I’m doing it anyway. How’s it going?”
If you think someone would be fun to go out with but you don't know them that well, you say,
“Hi. I know we don't know each other that well but I think you’d be fun to go out with. Wanna go out sometime?”
If you haven’t met someone at a party yet but want to, you say,
“Hey. I haven’t met you yet but have been wanting to all night. I’m Shaun. What’s your name?”
If you don't know what to say but still want to meet someone.
"Hey. I don't really know what to say, but I really wanted to meet you. So, uh. What's exciting in your world?"
Some responses you can expect:
“Oh, I’m glad you did. Hi.”
“Oh. Ummm. OK.”
“I have a boyfriend.”
“Hah. That’s weird. But cool, What’s up?”
“Hi, I’ve wanted to say hi to you as well.”
“Hey, what’s going on?”
It doesn’t matter what they say in return because you’ve opened the door for connection.
It’s up to her to decide if she wants to build on that connection.
Why The Perfect Pickup Works So Well
It’s easy, it’s playful, and it builds real intimacy.
You’ll never have to remember a pickup line.
Use the perfect pickup and hope she reciprocates. If you’re lucky, she will. Sometimes she won’t. That’s OK.
It’s so basic and so obvious that when you do it with a smile, it comes off as playful. And it’s all about being open, honest, and playful.
When you’re honest, you show others you’re willing to be vulnerable. Honesty builds intimacy, and it’ll set you apart from other men. You’d be surprised how well the perfect pickup works.
Men think we need to have it all figured out. They think we should know what to say and look like we know what we’re doing at all times.
That’s a lot of work. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Woman want the opposite. They want a man who’s willing to be vulnerable. A man who doesn’t have it all figured out but is doing the work every day.
Someone who isn’t afraid to say,
“Hi. I’m nervous, but I wanted to say hi. So hi.”
Name The Fear And Open The Door
When we name the fear, it loses its power.
Tell her you’re nervous and you become less nervous. Tell her you’re feeling awkward and you become less awkward.
When you approach a woman, you’re making a small step in her direction. You’re opening the door for connection.
She then chooses to make a small step in your direction. Or perhaps she closes the door.
Her choice. It’s not personal, just her preference.
I get rejected on a daily basis when I choose to open the door. I don’t take it personally when someone declines my invitation to connect. I did the best I could. I presented myself honestly and with integrity.
And I know that I need to keep doing it if I want to keep meeting beautiful women with open hearts.
I’ll make that choice all day every day.