Talking about sexual health doesn't come natural to us. It's never easy, can be full of shame, and we were never shown how to do it. But not talking about it is how STIs get spread.
Here's four reasons why you should talk about your sexual health first and exactly what to say...
But I Don't Want To Talk About Sexual Health
After the first couple dates, and the first couple kisses, the time for sexual connection is near and a very important conversation has to happen.
Unfortunately the topic of one’s sexual health is not an easy one to bring up. We simply haven't been taught how to do it effectively. We didn't learn it in school and our parents certainly didn't show us how to do it.
Bringing up that you have or have had a sexually transmitted infection can be terrifying.
What if your partner decides they don't want to have sex with you anymore? What if they scream in horror when you tell them you have herpes?
Both of these scenarios, while possible, are highly unlikely.
In order to have great, safe, responsible sex, we absolutely must learn how to have conversations about sex. It's a required part of being a sexually active adult.
Also, it turns out that talking about sex, will make you better at sex. Who knew?
Luckily for us, talking about sexual health it doesn’t have to be difficult, uncomfortable, or awkward. And just like everything in life, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
Four Crucial Reasons To Bring Up Your Sexual Health First
1. It’s Part of Being a Sexually Active Adult
Sexually transmitted infections are a reality and the conversation about sexual health is part of being a sexually responsible adult.
If you’re not comfortable bringing up your sexual history, then you shouldn't be having sex. Period.
2. If You Don’t Bring It up First, They Probably Won't Either
If I don’t initiate the talk about sexual health, then my partner is more likely to not bring it up either. It's the unfortunate truth.
If you bring it up first, your partner will be more likely to reciprocate in kind, allowing for an honest conversation between the two of you.
You can then both make an informed decision about whether you’d like the connection to continue on it’s previous course, or to keep the clothes on and think about it some more.
3. You Are Responsible for Your Sexual Health
Only you are truly responsible for your sexual health.
Are you willing to risk getting a sexually transmitted infection because you were too shy to talk about your sexual health?
Is having sex once worth potential dealing with an STI for life? No dick/pussy is THAT good.
4. It’s Sexy As Fuck
Being able to talk freely and openly about sex, sexual health, and what turns you on is incredible sexy.
It shows maturity and confidence.
Never once has a conversation about sexual history killed the mood.
If anything, it made the whole situation much more exciting, sexy, and hot.
So How Do I Bring It up and When Is It Appropriate?
I bring it up in a calm, responsible way.
Before any grabbing of genitals or taking off of pants happens, or before we start getting a little too eager to rip each others clothes off, I stop kissing whatever I’m kissing and say,
I don’t want to be presumptuous about what may or may not happen between us right now but this seems like an appropriate time to have a conversation about sexual health.
This usually results in my partner having to switch gears. It usually takes a few seconds to register exactly what's happening.
At this point, you can bring up what needs bringing up. Whether you have an STI, when your last STI test was, and if you've had unprotected sex with anyone since your last test.
Do you run the risk of someone deciding they'd rather not hook up with you? Absolutely.
Wouldn't you want to know if someone had an STD before you hooked up with them? Chances are you won’t find out unless you go first.
Also, if you weren't convinced about the importance of talking about your sexual health before having sex, maybe this video will change your mind.