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How To Ask For Sex On The First Date The Right Way

sex on the first date

Ever wonder what you can do or say to increase your odds of having sex on the first date?

There’s a taboo against talking about sex on the first date. And for the most part, it can be a huge turn off if it’s not done properly.

So how do you do it properly and avoid getting a drink thrown in your face?

Read on my friend, read on.

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Some People Like To Fuck On The First Date

It's true. Some like to fuck on the first date, and some don't. ​It’s a preference that some people have. Finding out that preference will significantly increase your chances of having sex on the first date.

I’ve had sex on the first date. It happens every now and then. Certainly not often, but enough to know that it's entirely possible. 

If I’m in the mood for sex on the first date, and my date is in the mood for sex on the first date, and we like each other, there’s a good chance we’re going to have sex on the first date!

What's the secret? I've figured out that asking for sex significantly increases your odds of having sex. 

But doesn’t that ruin the magic?

Nope. Not at all.

You know what ruins the magic?

Letting a perfectly good opportunity for two consenting adults to have amazing, fun, and connected sex (hopefully) because you’re too shy, or anxious, or scared to ask for what you want.

Which is sex.

I’m pretty sure you want sex.

I mean, we all do, to some extent. That’s why we’re going on dates. To see if there’s a connection leading to a deepening in the relationship, which usually invokes sex, AT SOME POINT.

From "What's Your Name?" to "How's Your Father?" In Less Than Two Hours

Not sure what "How's Your Father?" means?​ It's on old school British euphemism for having sex, and I just love it.

Story time!​

A few years ago I was driving around British Colombia for the summer and decided to visit a friend in Victoria. I boarded the ferry with my vehicle, parked, and went to find a sunny spot to read in.

A few minutes later I was joined by a lovely woman who was traveling around Canada. We started chatting about our plans, our lives, whatever, nothing serious. I was happy to simply chat with a lovely woman.

I offered her a ride to her hotel since she was on foot, I was driving, and it was on the way. She accepted. After helping her check in, I brought her bag up to her room.

Then a thought popped in my head. “Wait. Are we going to have sex?”

I love the moment my brain catches up to what’s happening. I hadn’t thought about having sex with her, but here I was, in her hotel room, commenting on how nice the view from the bed was. Oh, I see.

Need Tips On Setting Up A Sex Date?

So I turned to her and said,

“I’d really love to kiss you right now, would you like that?”

And she did and so we did. 

We’d met approximately 2 hours prior and we were already kissing.

Her father by the way, is doing very well. 

I share this with you not to brag. Only demonstrate that it’s possible to ask for sex on the first date in a non threatening way with quasi strangers and have it be received favorably.

This wasn’t even a date and we’d managed to slip between the sheets in less than 2 hours. If a chance encounter can end like this, you better believe that a date can.

Read on to find out how you can increase your odds of having sex on the first date.

5 Ways To Increase Your Odds Of Having Sex On The First Date

1. Know That There Will Be No Sex

That's right. There will be no sex. Get it out of your head that you’ll be having sex.

Going out with the expectation of having sex on the first date is the best way to not have sex. If your brain thinks it's going to have sex, it’s going to hijack the part of your brain that normally acts confident and cool and will try anything to make sure you have sex. 

You’ll come off looking desperate for sex. Desperation reeks and it a huge turn off for people.

Drop the expectations that you’ll be fucking tonight and your chances of fucking will increase astronomically. Also, if this date doesn't end in sex, you won't be disappointed if you drop the expectations. 

2. Sit Close To Double Your Chances Of Sex

Try sitting side by side on the first date if the environment allows for it. Grab two stools at the bar, or sit next to each other on a bench over coffee. 

It allows for closer proximity and you’ll share the same view. You can start developing shared experiences and use the environment to engage in conversation.

It's less awkward than sitting facing each other, and allows for an accidental leg brush every now and then.

And when there’s an accidental leg brush, notice her reaction. Does she to lean in or move her leg? It’s a small cue but could help you find out if you should escalate to an intentional touch.

3. How Touching Leads To More Sex On The First Date

Don’t be too shy to initiate touch with your date if you think it’ll be received well.

No matter what, always do it with consent. Asking to touch someone is imperative, even if they’re throwing every sign at you that they want to be touched. 

By asking, you’ll look like a badass who knows how to ask for what he wants. There’s not much sexier than knowing what you want and being confident enough to ask for it.

It you think your touch will be received well, simply ask,

“Can I put my hand on your thigh (or arm, or back)?”

Good job, you’re moving in the right direction of being playful, direct, and communicative about your intentions.

Also, you're making it clear that you're not here to be friends, which can further reduce the ambiguity that people on first dates experience when they're not clear about their intentions. 

How To Make Sure She Knows It's a Date

4.Talking About Sex Is A Huge Turn On

Talking about sex leads to having more sex. It’s true. But the trick here is to bring it up in a light hearted way.

The difference between coming off as a creepy and coming off as sexy and confident has everything to do with the rapport you’ve built throughout the date, and how interested your date is in you.

If you’ve read the situation right, and your touch has been well received and reciprocated, and you have some rapport built up, there’s a good chance that some light hearted conversation about sex will be well received.

Either make a light joke about sex, or simply change the topic by acknowledging a topic change.

“I know we barely know each other, and I'm wondering if we could switch topics to something a little more personal? What turns you on?"

Watch for cues and signs that you date is comfortable with your new line of questioning and if she’s less than 100% comfortable talking about sex, or answering your questions, quickly pivot to more neutral conversation.

If your date is open to talking about sex, asking them what turns them on will really come in handy later if your evening does end up with the two of you between the sheets. 

5. Learning To Ask For What You Want

If the date is going well, and there’s a good amount of mutual touching, and maybe even a kiss or two, then you might be wondering how to ratchet up the action.

If talking about sex didn’t already lead to signalling for the check and running to the closet apartment to rip each others clothes off, then you might just want to employ this method.

I’ve tried a lot of different ways but the most successful has always been the most straightforward.

Ask for it.

I’m going to risk being incredibly forward but I‘m attracted to you, and I’m really enjoying our connection. Would you like to come back to my house and get naked with me? No expectations that we’ll do anything other than kiss and get naked, but if you’re up for it, I'm up for it. 

You'll get one of three answers. 

If she she says yes, you should be able to figure out the next step but in the event that you can't here it is. Ask for the check, pay, and run to the closest private place to have sex. 

If she's intrigued but not sure, then it’s up to her to make the next move. The ball is in her court, but you don’t care, because you have no expectations.

If she says no, then it’s no. Pivot by saying “Thank you so much for telling me. What do you feel like doing now? There’s a wicked ice cream shop down the way, or this silly mini putt place Ive always wanted to check out. Or we can simply part ways but I'm happy to continue spending time together”.

Don’t take it personally. She might still be evaluating whether she wants to have sex with you tonight, she might change her mind, or she might want to have sex, but not on the first date. Take it in stride and there's no doubt she'll be impressed with your ability to move forward with the date after having been turned down.

There's No Shame In Asking For What You Want​

It's the best way to actually get what you want. Asking for sex can be challenging, and it can be awkward, but the more you get used to talking about sex, the easier it gets. 

​When I ask a woman if she wants to have sex with me, I'm opening up the conversation about sex, and I'm also increasing my chances of having sex.

Next time you find yourself on a first date and you'd love for it to end in sex, used these 5 steps to increase your chances of it happening. 

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Shaun Galanos

Shaun Galanos is The Love Drive. He believes we all deserve love and works to help men (and women) develop more intimate relationships through honest and playful communication. He lives, writes, and makes videos in Montreal.

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