'Netflix and chill' isn’t revolutionary. That concept has been around since before Netflix was a thing.
You didn’t invent some sneaky way of asking someone over for sex without asking them over for sex.
Back then it was simply called inviting someone over to 'watch a movie'.
Which is no better than 'Netflix and chill'.
It’s still a roundabout way of asking someone over for sex without explicitly asking them over for sex. It’s a sneaky way designed to get a woman (usually) into your apartment to (hopefully) have sex without seeming too forward.
Small Disclaimer: This article is intended for folks who are newly dating, or haven’t had sex yet. If you’re in an established relationship of any kind, what you call your consensual booty call is up to you. 'Netflix and Chill', 'Amazon Prime and Party Time', 'Pirate Bay and Chardonnay', whatever…
The Many Reasons People 'Netflix And Chill'
Some folks are scared of being blunt because they think being blunt isn’t sexy. Or that being upfront ruins the mystery. They haven’t learned yet that open, honest, and playful communication is one of the biggest turn ons.
Others are scared of being honest because they fear being rejected. The risk of rejection goes up when you invite someone over for sex rather than simply over to watch a movie. But then again the risk of being perceived as a deceitful douche bag also goes down, so that’s a big plus.
And unfortunately many people have been conditioned to think that women who accept invitations for sex are unladylike. Which means that a booty call under the veil of watching a movie can be a useful trick, if it weren’t so deceitful.
'Netflix and Chill' is Deceitful af
When you ask someone to 'Netflix and chill' when you really want to have sex, you’re intentionally deceiving the person.
When you use deception to get what you want, you ruin the chance of building intimacy. And building intimacy is the name of the game, even in casual relationships.
Never mind that for the most part, the person you’re inviting over to 'Netflix and chill' knows that you’re actually inviting them over for sex.
Why Being Blunt Is Actually Very Sexy
It’s true that subtlety can be incredibly sexy and playful when you’re first getting to know someone. But it’s possible to be sexy, playful, and subtle and still ask for what you want.
On my first date with my ex, we went to a bar for drinks. After a few, I invited her over to my house for tea.
Women love tea. It’s as non threatening as it gets and non-threatening is the goal when inviting women over to your house, especially on the first date.
We drank tea on the couch. It was sweet and I was smitten. I think she was too.
I wanted to kiss her, so I said,
'I’d really like to kiss you. Would you like that?'
She said yes and we had our first kiss.
You might think that by asking for a kiss, I took all the romance out of the equation.
But to me, the kiss was still romantic.
And there was ZERO fear that kissing her was something she didn’t want. Asking for consent (and getting it) is far more important than whatever micro loss of romance could happen by asking for consent.
I ask for enthusiastic consent in all romantic and sexual interactions because consent isn’t just sexy, it’s mandatory.
It’s also the best way to start getting better at talking about sex, and let’s be honest, we all need some help in that department. Need some help? Read this blog about getting better at talking about sex.
Asking for consent to kiss, or touch, or lick, or fuck has never once turned anyone off. Not once.
No woman had ever said,
“It was such a turn off when he looked me in the eyes and ask me if he could lick my pussy”.
It Always Comes Down To Fear
People ask for 'Netflix and chill' because they’re afraid of being honest. They’re afraid of asking for what they want because they fear getting rejected.
And most of us aren’t great at getting rejected. For the uninitiated, rejection hurts. But the more you get rejected, the easier it gets. Read this blog post and watch this video for tips on handling rejection.
It reminds us a little too much of all the past hurts in our lives. Breakups, times when we were picked last for kickball in elementary school, that time your father left your mother. The list goes on ad infinitum.
So instead of asking for love (in the form of sex, affection, touch, intimacy, or closeness) we ask for a situation which puts us in close proximity to those desires and needs. With the hopes that we’ll somehow get what we want without having to directly ask for it.
There’s Nothing Unladylike About Saying Yes To Sex
There’s nothing wrong with casual sex. As long as everyone involved is aware of what’s going on.
But we’re conditioned to think that women who sleep around are promiscuous. So women either don’t do it as much as they want to, or end up feeling guilty and shameful when they do.
So ‘Netflix and chill’ allows women to preserve some dignity by accepting a sex date under the veil of going over to someone’s house to watch movie.
It allow women to feel like the sex was spontaneous, and therefore more romantic/adventurous. Even though both parties are fully aware that sex is on the table, the act allows for plausible deniability; thus no need to feel ashamed.
'Oh, I just went over to watch movie, and then we totally ended up making out and having sex on the couch, it was so hot!'
But if we’d just accept the fact that humans want to have sex, and there’s nothing wrong with being honest about it, we’d be in much better position to build real intimacy and get our needs filled.
And building intimacy is always the name of the game. Even during casual sex.
Why Watch A Movie When You Really Want Sex?
Sitting down to watch a movie when you really want sex is complete torture. I've been there more times than I care to admit.
When I was younger, I didn’t know that being honest was going to get me what I wanted much faster than beating around the bush.
I asked women over to watch a movie. And we’d watch a movie, even though both of us would rather have been having sex.
But we were too afraid to be upfront about it, so we (very) slowly cuddled up closer and closer, and eventually one of us made a move and we forgot all about the movie.
I’m not into beating around the bush anymore.
If I want sex, the best way for me to get it is to learn how to ask for it in a way that feels respectful, sexy, playful, and effective.
There’s no easier way to get what you want, then by learning how to ask for it. And the more you do it, the better you’ll get at it.
So what now?
Start asking for what you want. It’s the easiest way to get it.
The next time you want to have sex with someone, invite them over for sex instead of over to 'Netflix and chill'.
5 Ways Of Asking For Sex That Are Better Than 'Netflix And Chill'
- Would you like to come over and get naked with me?
- Would you like to come over for a sleepover? And sex.
- Wanna have sex? Great, your place or mine?
- Would you like to take each others clothes off? And then have sex.
- Wanna have sex, and then watch a movie after?
And if you want to actually watch movie with them, tell them you really want to watch a movie.
'Hey, I’d love to watch movie with you and snuggle. It’s not some tactic to get you to have sex with me. If I wanted sex, I would ask for it and be clear about my intentions. But I think you’ll like this movie and I’d love to watch it with you. Whaddya say?'
It’s time to start changing the conversation, and it’ll only happen if brave people like you throw these trashy terms where they belong and start finding fun and sexy ways of asking for what you really want.
You can do it.