- in Dear Love Drive by Shaun Galanos
How Should I Learn To Get Into Dating?
Dear Love Drive,
How should I learn to get into dating?
I have only had 3 first dates at the age of 27. Being honest (and polite) seems to disqualify me.
I have a career and the physical items down. Home, car, exotic pets even. I do go out and have a few varied friend groups. Hobbies beyond day to day chores.
I do have a life, just no one else in it.
Exotic Pets Even, 27
Hi Pets,
First of all, owning a toucan and a Maserati isn’t a good reason to date you
Owning a house and a car is a ânice to haveâ but itâs not the reason most people will want to date you.
Most people like people for who they are not what they own. Most people like honest and polite people.
Your question on how to learn to date is an excellent one. Youâve clued in on something very important.
Dating is a skill just like anything else
You didnât excel at your career overnight so donât expect to be good at dating overnight. Sure, some people are naturals at dating just like some people are naturals at writing, business, or sports.
The rest of us have to put in the time and the work. Dating isnât any different.
The two part answer to how to get good at dating
Dating People
- Go on lots of dates. The more you do something the better youâll get at it. Period. Join an online dating site. Say yes to dates with people you might not normally say yes to. Go on as many dates as possible.
- Ask lots of people out. Online and in real life. Get used to asking people out. Get used to rejection. Remember to have fun. No one can hurt you. They can just say no. Try not to take it personally. Do it again. Itâll get easier.
- Learn three interesting things about your date. Thatâs it. This is your job. Thatâs your only goal. Learn three interesting things about your date. Not where theyâre from or what they do. Dig deeper. Ask questions. Be curious. Have fun.
- Be gracious and kind to everyone. Most dates wonât lead to anything. Thatâs OK. Thatâs normal. Hereâs where being honest and polite will come in handy. Be kind to everyone even if you donât end up connecting with them. If you ask them out on a second date and they say no just say âOK, thank you.â Read this post on handling rejection.
- Have no expectations. This is a hard one but will make your life easier in the long run. Have no expectations of anything. A date is just a date. Itâs not a promise of a kiss, or sex, or a second date. The date can end early or it can last all night. Have no expectations and youâll never be disappointed.
Dating Yourself
- Do interesting things. Youâll meet interesting people by doing interesting things. Go to museums, do yoga, join a book club, learn a new sport, attend speaker series and workshops, teach a class. Become a more interesting person. Become more dateable. Have fun.
- Seek new experiences. This is related to doing interesting things. Donât settle for doing the things you always do. Shake your life up. Say yes to things you would normally say no to. Be open. Remember, have fun. Life is fun.
- Sell your TV. Itâs rotting your brain. Read more books. Go outside more. Exercise more. Talk to people more. Sit in silence more. Hang out with your toucan. Go for a drive in your Maserati.
- Take yourself out. When youâre feeling really lonely, take yourself out. Go to dinner and a movie. Forget about dating for a bit. Focus on yourself. Get a massage. Eat some ice cream. Try again tomorrow.
- Trust. Trust the youâll be OK alone. Even though you donât want to be alone, youâll be OK alone. Also trust that youâll find someone to spend time with. Trust that there are people out there that will like you for who you are and not what you own.
Youâre a lovely person and you deserve to be with a lovely person. That lovely person will come when they come. In the meantime make the most out of your life. Get good at dating so when you meet that lovely person youâll be better equipped to date them. And let us know how it goes.