Are they still interested in dating you?

Are they over it? Everything seemed to be going your way. You were having fun, and the sex was good.

Then all of a sudden, your date cancels without rescheduling, starts taking longer to respond, and seems busier than usual.

It can be hard to read a new crush. Are they busy or slowly ghosting you?

How do you find out if your new crush is over it or still interested without looking needy and desperate?

Meeting a new crush is magical; dating them is divine

I love new crushes. Few feelings compare to having a new crush in your life. 

I often meet new folks, but I rarely meet someone that I feel a strong connection with right off the bat. It's unfortunate because that new crush feeling is unlike anything else. 

When it does happen, though, I get excited; it's hard for me not to. I love exploring a connection with a new woman (I'm a man who dates women), and I love the potential that comes with meeting someone new.

I try to keep my expectations low, though. I tend to get overly excited and start planning our future together. I'm much better at staying grounded in the present, but I wasn't always great at it. 

I'm a hopeless romantic; it's true. I can't hide it, nor do I want to. 

Sometimes that new crush becomes more than a crush

That's how it works.

You meet someone fantastic, you crush on them, and if they feel the same way, you start dating. Badass. 

And then you keep dating. Time does its thing, and you either grow closer together, or you drift apart. I hope you grow closer together because I love to love, and I want everyone to have as much as possible.

But the reality is that you probably drift apart. It sucks, but it happens all the time.

Finding a soul mate or a partner is the exception in dating, not the norm.

It would help if you looked at being 'over it' as an unfortunate but necessary by-product of dating.

Shit happens. And then you keep going. 

Sometimes you're over it

One day you like someone, and the next you don't.

Maybe you've discovered something about them that doesn't work for you. Or you don't have as much in common as you thought you did, or you don't like their sense of humor.

Or maybe you had sex without first building some intimacy. Sometimes after having sex with someone, the excitement wears off. There's not enough connection there to keep you interested.

It happens all the time, especially when you let arousal run the show.

So what do you do?

Well, since you're not into ghosting and you value honesty and transparency, you let them know as soon as you know.

You do it over the phone because that's what adults do.

Hey. I just wanted to call to let you know that I've enjoyed spending time with you and that the connection we have isn't the connection I'm looking for. I wanted to thank you for the lovely time that we spent together.

Sometimes they're over it

But what happens when you suspect that the new crush you've been on a few dates with isn't interested anymore?

Maybe they take longer to reply to texts and seem cooler when they do.

Perhaps you're getting the feeling they're no longer interested, or they're starting to lose interest. You can't quite put your finger on it, but you've got a hunch. 

Whatever the symptoms, it sucks because you like them, and you'd happily keep dating them.

They might be over it, or they may legitimately be busy. Maybe it's extra responsibilities at work or the midterm that's coming up, or the sick grandma they've been taking care of. 

You don't want to look needy, I know

You might be scared of asking them what's going on or how they feel about you because you don't want to look needy. Society thinks you should play it cool because playing it cool is supposed to be attractive. 

But playing it cool is a little too close to playing games. And I don't play games because I don't know the rules. 

Also, society can suck it. Society should value open and honest communication above looking cool, but we're not there yet.

If your new crush is deliberately ghosting you, then it's worth finding out sooner rather than later. And if they're legitimately busy but still interested, it's worth knowing that as well.

But how do you do it without looking needy, desperate, and anxious? 

Easy.

Use open and honest communication

This is the answer to most problems in life. Putting it into practice is easier said than done, but completely doable.

If you want to know whether your new crush is over it without looking needy or desperate, invite them out for coffee or a walk.

Then say this, 

I like you, and I've had a good time getting to know you. I'm feeling some distance between us, and I'm wondering if you're still interested in me. If you're no longer interested, I'd rather know sooner rather than later.

You're putting yourself out there by showing them you're willing to be open and honest, and that you're willing to risk rejection.

This allows them to be open and honest with you.

You never know what they might say.

They might be losing interest or scared because of the feelings they have for you. They might be scared of getting hurt, or legitimately busy with school, work, and family. 

You never know what's happening with someone until you risk opening up and asking. There's no point in guessing, that's why you ask. 

Either way, you'll know where you stand, and there's nothing needy or desperate about that.

Quite the opposite, it's been shown that those who routinely engage in open and honest communication are more desirable and attractive. 

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. If you're unsure if your new crush is over it, you owe it to yourself to find out right away.