a few months ago

How To Find Out If Your New Crush Is Over It

OVER IT?

​Is she over it? Everything seemed to be going your way. You were having fun and the sex was good. Then all of a sudden, she cancels without rescheduling, takes longer to respond, and seems busier than usual. 

It can be hard to read a new crush. Is she really busy or slowly ghosting you?

How do you find out if your new crush is over it or still interested without looking needy and desperate?

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Meeting a New Crush Is Fucking Badass

It can be amazing to meet a new crush.

I meet lots of women, but I rarely meet someone that I feel a strong connection with right off the bat. It's unfortunate because that new crush feeling is unlike anything else. 

When it does happen though, I get excited; it's hard for me not to. I love exploring a connection with a new women, and I love the potential that comes with meeting someone new.

I try to keep my expectations low though. I have a tendency to get overly excited and start planning our future together. I'm much better at staying grounded in the present but I wasn't always great at it. 

Read this article on staying grounded when meeting someone new

I'm a hopeless romantic, it's true. I can't hide it nor do I want to. 

Sometimes That Crush Becomes a Girlfriend

over it

This is what you look like before she starts ghosting you

That's how it works right?

You meet a woman, you crush on them, and if she feel the same way, you start dating. Badass. 

And you keep dating. Time does its thing and you either grow closer together or you drift apart. I hope you grow closer together because I love love and I want everyone to have as much as possible. 

But the reality is that you probably drift apart. It sucks, but it happens all the time.

Finding a soul mate, or a partner is the exception in dating, not the norm. We should look at being 'over it' as an unfortunate but necessary by-product of dating.

Shit happens.

When You're Over It

One day you like someone, and the next you don't.

Maybe you've discovered something about them that doesn't work for you. Or you don't have as much in common as you thought you did, or you don't like her sense of humor.

Or maybe you had sex without first building some intimacy. After having sex, you're over it. There's not enough connection there to keep you interested. Happens all the time. 

Read This If You Always Lose Interest After Sex

So what do you do?

Well, hopefully you've learned that ghosting someone sucks, so you suck it up and let her know that you're no longer interested.

Here's the ghosting video I made in case you're not convinced that ghosting is a terrible way to end a relationship.

You do it over the phone because that's what adults do. I know, talking on the phone can be uncomfortable but if you've put your penis in them, you owe them this courtesy. Don't worry, it'll be a short call.  

Hey. I just wanted to call to let you know that I've really enjoyed spending time with you, and that the connection we have isn't the connection I'm looking for. Thanks for the lovely time.

When She's Over It

But what happens when you suspect that the new crush you've been on a few dates with isn't interested anymore?

Maybe she takes longer to reply to texts, and seems cooler when she does. 

Whatever the symptoms, you have a feeling that she might be over it but you're not completely sure. Maybe she's leading you on or stringing you along. 

It sucks, because you like her and you'd happily keep dating her. 

She might be over it, or she may legitimately be busy. Maybe it's extra responsibilities at work, or the midterm she's studying for, or the sick grandma she's been taking care of. 

You don't Wanna Look Too Needy

You might be scared of asking her what's going on, or how she feels about you because you don't want to look needy. Society thinks you should play it cool because playing it cool is supposed to be attractive. 

But playing it cool is a little too close to playing games. And I don't play games because I can't remember the rules. 

Also, society can suck it. Society should value open and honest communication above looking cool, but we're not there yet. 

If your new crush is deliberately ghosting you, then it's worth finding out sooner rather than later. And if they're legitimately busy but still interested, it's worth knowing that as well. 

But how do you do it without looking needy, desperate, and anxious? 

over it

Should I play it cool or call it out?

Easy.

Use Open And Honest Communication

This is the answer to most problems in life. Putting it into practice is easier said than done, but completely doable.

If you want to know whether your new crush is over it without looking needy or desperate, invite her out for coffee or a walk. 

Then say this, 

I like you and I’ve had a good time getting to know you. You’ve felt a bit distant lately and I’m wondering if you're still interested in me. If you're no longer interested, I'd rather know sooner rather than later.

You're putting yourself out there by showing her that you're willing to be open and honest, and that you're willing to risk rejection. Which gives her an opportunity to be open and honest with you. 

You never know what she might say. Maybe she'll say that she isn't interested anymore, or that she's scared because she does like you and doesn't want to get hurt, or that she has been really busy and once her commitment (work, school, family, whatever) is over she'd love to spend more time with you. 

Or she might have 5 other reasons why she's been seeming distant. Or maybe she doesn't text as much as you do. ​There's no point in guessing, that's why we ask. 

Either way, you'll know immediately where you stand, and there's nothing needy or desperate about that.

Quite the opposite, it's been shown that men who routinely engage in open and honest conversation with their female partners are seen as more desirable and attractive. 

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. If you're unsure if your new crush is over it, you owe it to yourself to find out right away. 

Did you like this post? Then do me a favor and share it please. I'd really appreciate it, and it really helps me out. Thanks!

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Shaun Galanos

Shaun Galanos is The Love Drive. He believes we all deserve love and works to help men (and women) develop more intimate relationships through honest and playful communication. He lives, writes, and makes videos in Montreal.

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