April 14, 2017

How do I ask her properly if she’s a lesbian?

Dear Love Drive,

We’ve been hanging out & for a while I developed feelings for her, she knows I’m gay & I can’t help but think she is too.

My gut says she is and also her taste in literature which is 50% lesbian novels. I want to ask her out but before I do I obviously need to know her orientation & if she likes me.


Lesbian Literature, 54


Hi Lesbian Literature,

Looks like you met someone you want to ask out, and you don’t want to make any assumptions about which gender she’s attracted to. Smart move.

Whenever I want to ask someone out and I’m not sure if they date men or women, I simply ask,

Hey. Do you like to date men or women?

It doesn’t have to be anymore complicated than that.

This question also has the added advantage of communicating your interest to her. Whether she’s interested in women or not, she’ll probably pick up on the fact that you’re planning on asking her out.

And that’s great.

If she tells you that she does indeed date women, then you can ask her out. If she says that she only dates men, you can easily reply with,

Oh, well. Too bad! I was going to ask you out but instead I’ll just be happy being friends with you. 

And that’s it. Short, sweet, effective, and to the point.

Good luck!

Have a question you want answered? Send it to shaun@thelovedrive.com 

Shaun Galanos is the The Love Drive. He lives and writes in Montreal.

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Shaun Galanos

Shaun Galanos is The Love Drive. He lives, writes, and makes videos in Montreal.