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You Can Be Straight And Give A Guy A Blowjob

Gay Blowjob

Did giving a blowjob at the age of 16 mean I was gay? How did I go from being a straight male teen to blowing a dude in a bathroom stall?

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Before Tinder There Was AOL

I was 16 years old in 1998. Before the days of online dating. No Tinder, Grindr, or OKCupid. If Craigslist was around, I certainly didn’t know about it.

For me, that meant getting my jollies out the old fashioned way, via AOL chatrooms. Virtual meeting rooms where folks came together to chat about a variety of topics.

There were chatrooms for just about everything, but the most popular ones had to do with sex and porn. People would meet up online, engage in cybersex, organize sex dates, or trade pornographic pictures and videos. I was there for the porn.

I’d go to a chatroom, chat with some strangers, and end up trading pictures with them. Every time I logged on to AOL, I’d hear the iconic “You’ve got mail” and open up my inbox to a plethora of porn.

Lesbian porn, blowjob porn, teen porn. You know, your typical straight dude porn.

Then one day I opened up a file named hotstud.jpg.

And there he was. 

A hot stud indeed, letting it all hang out. Big muscles, nice tan, and a huge hard cock. I quickly went to close the file, but then I hesitated. My eyes wandered to his cock, and I got turned on. Fuck.

The naked girls were a no-brainer. The couples fucking I could understand. But getting turned on by a picture of a naked dude? I had a hard time swallowing that.

Terrified I Might Be Gay

I lost my virginity to a girl at a party when I was 15 years old. My dad picked me up after and I was sure he could smell sex on me.

I’d had two girlfriends by the time I saw hotstud.jpg so in my mind I was straight. I didn’t have a concept of sexuality at that point, but I knew that being gay was going to fuck things up for me.

I didn’t know how people close to me would react. Making friends at school was already challenging for me. I didn't entirely fit in. Would I be tormented more than I already was? I came from a loving family but would my parents still accept me? Was it time to kiss my dream of having a wife and kids goodbye?

I didn’t know what to think or how to proceed. Mostly I was confused. I’d always been turned on by women, and up until now, I'd only ever wanted a girlfriend.

I didn’t want to be turned on by images of naked dudes.

But Then I Didn't Delete hotstud.jpg Did I?

I started spending more time in chat rooms talking to guys. I solicited more pictures of naked guys. My collection grew until I had a pretty decent folder and was routinely masturbating to these images.

I wasn’t using gay porn exclusively, but it was in heavy rotation. These photos were turning me on. Was I just a horny teenager or was I attracted to guys as well? Could I be straight but also into masturbating to photos of cocks?

I’d spend hours on AOL chatting and trading pictures with strangers. One day I received a private message from a guy claiming to be 18 years old. We started chatting, and he eventually asked me if I wanted to meet up.

“What for?” I asked him.

“I’ll give you a blowjob, and you can give me one too if you want,” he replied.

Fuuuuuuuuuck.

I went to close the browser as fast as I’d wanted to close hotstud.jpg.

But I hesitated. I got turned on. The idea of getting a blowjob from a stranger sounded hot. I’m not sure I wanted to give him a blowjob, but he seemed to indicate that part would be optional.

So I Said Yes to a Blowjob Before I Could Say No

I said yes before I could think of all the reasons I should have said no. What if he wasn’t 18? What if he had an STD? What if he forced me to do things I didn’t want to do?

But of course, I didn’t think about any of those things. Sexual arousal took the wheel and started driving. The rational me took a backseat. I wasn’t in control anymore. Any shame I might have felt about being turned on was tuned out by my desire to have sex.

We quickly made plans to meet in a community center bathroom close by that I knew would be reasonably private.

He Was About 18 Years Old And Not Bad Looking

I wasn’t here to go on a date with the guy; we were just going to blow each other in a public restroom. I don’t remember what he looked like. Tall. White. Glasses. Kinda dorky.

My mind was already made up; I was going to blow him. I’d somehow mustered up the courage to get this far so I figured I might as well go all the way. There might not be a next time.

You don’t quickly forget giving your first blowjob.

What can I say? It was huge and it hung to the left. 

I had no idea what to do with it. I’d seen enough porn to get a general idea, but it’s like learning to drive stick by watching Top Gear. You understand the principle, but you’re gonna suck at it for awhile.

So that’s what I did.

And I was bad. I tried to put as much of it in my mouth as I could. I learned a lot that day about giving blowjobs and how incredibly awkward they can be. More work then going down on a woman. More comfortable on the neck, that’s for sure. I had a newfound appreciation for the job at hand.

After 5 or 10 minutes of fumbling around, he finally put me out of my misery. He told me he’d jerked off earlier today, so he probably wasn’t going to come. He gave me an out, and I took it. I was over it anyway. My jaw was sore, and my neck hurt.

"You want a blowjob?" he'd asked. 

I couldn’t say yes fast enough and he made short work of me. Two minutes tops.

I thought I’d have ‘feelings’ about having a guy give me a blowjob. The only feelings I had were of someone's mouth on my cock. Something that never gets old. 

And that was it. That awkward post blowjob goodbye and I never saw him again.

I’d Given My First Blowjob

Proof of my repressed homosexuality or discovering the benefits of bisexuality? Or simply more evidence that teenagers are horny and can get turned on by the slightest attention paid to their cocks?

I don't know. I still mainly thought about women. I wanted to date them, have sex with them, and eventually marry one and start a family.

There was just the small issue of being turned on by naked guys. I was more confused than ever. 

The thought of fooling around with guys turned me on, but I couldn’t picture myself kissing them. The idea of dating a man didn’t do it for me. I could see myself being sexual, but anything more than that turned me off. I didn’t want a romantic relationship with them.

I still looked at photos of naked guys but didn’t have another experience with a guy for another ten years. Maybe out of fear or perhaps just because I didn’t like it.

I learned that I didn’t really like giving blowjobs (or at least to guys with big dicks) and that I could get off by having a guy blow me. I learned that I could be scared of something but still go through with it. In a way, I was proud that I’d done it.

I Didn’t Tell Anyone, Until Now.

I didn’t feel shame about what I’d done, but I wasn’t ready to tell anyone. It was my little secret. No one at school found out, and I never told my parents. Until now because my mom reads my blog and I know she’ll tell my dad (hi mom!).

Nothing changed in my daily life. I still flirted with girls and started dating a few. I didn’t make any plans to blow more guys. And I didn’t dwell too much on the significance of that one blowjob.

I wasn’t sure if it made me gay, bisexual, or just experimental. In a way, it doesn’t matter. My sex life is my sex life. I get to choose what I do with it and who I share it with.

And so your sex life is your sex life. You get to do with it what you want.

Have fun with it. Make mistakes. Try new things. Do them more than once. Find people that you can explore your sexuality with. Be safe. Walk through fear and come out the other end with rich experiences. And then tell us all about them.

Bold Enough To Share?

Shaun Galanos

Shaun Galanos is The Love Drive. He believes we all deserve love and works to help men (and women) develop more intimate relationships through honest and playful communication.

He lives, writes, and makes videos in Montreal.

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