I cook all the time and wonder if it’s good in a relationship if a guy does it. My mom is okay with it when I do it for her, would it be okay to do it for my girlfriend?
Cooking For Moms, 17, M
Hey Cooking For Moms,
You’re probably asking if it’s good for the relationship because traditional gender norms indicate that in hetereo relationships, women do the cooking and the cleaning and men handle the finances and the oil changes.
That’s not how it works anymore.
Sure, plenty of folks still believe that men and women have their respective roles in the relationship and those roles should be adhered because that’s how it is.
But, we don’t really care what those people think.
I just spent a few days giving free love advice to people in Las Vegas. I talked to several hetereo newlyweds and asked them who does the cooking and who earns more money. More than half reported that she earns more money and that he does the cooking.
When I asked why he does the majority of the cooking, he replied,
Because she’s terrible at it, and she works later than I do
This arrangement worked fine for them, they were stoked. She worked longer hours and didn’t like cooking, he loved cooking and had time for it.
Your relationship is between you and your partner. Find what works for you and your partner, regardless of what society thinks you should be doing.
How do you do that? Talk to them.
Don’t assume, ask
Most people love having meals cooked for them.
It probably stems from a feeling of being nurtured and taken care of. It’s a lovely feeling to have someone take the time and effort to cook you a meal, it’s a great way of showing someone that you care.
But instead of assuming or wondering, you could easily ask her,
I cook all the time and I was wondering if you’d like me to cook for you every now and then?
Then you’ll know exactly where she stands. There’s nothing more powerful than including your partner in the conversation.
The more you share with her, the more she’ll share with you.
Also, cooking for someone is really fucking sexy. Unless it’s your mother, in which case it’s just really sweet.