Dear Love Drive,
I've always loved having anal sex. The problem is my new girlfriend really isn't into it. She's not sure she wants to try it, and I need help trying to convince her to having it.
I know she'll like it once she tried it.
Loving That Backdoor, 25 M
So, You Really Like Having Anal Sex?
When you say you've always loved having anal sex, I'm going to take a stab in the dark and assume that you love giving anal sex and that you don't love receiving it. Just a wild guess. I might be wrong, but I don't think I am.
Well Backdoor, you wouldn't be the only one that loves giving anal sex. Most men do.
I'm not sure if it's because it's taboo, or because they don't have it as frequently as vaginal sex, or because it's fetishized as something only pornstars and sex freaks do, but most men have a mild obsession with anal sex.
To the point that they start asking strangers on the internet how to convince their girlfriends to have it.
Which reminds me of a video I made years ago about why guys are obsessed with anal sex.
You Might Love It, But She Doesn't
Some people are into anal sex. Some people aren't. That's the thing. It's a personal preference that's formed over time for a variety of reasons.
Anal sex isn't for everyone, and no matter what you say or how persuasive you might be, your partner may never be interested. And that's perfectly OK.
The objections to anal sex are universal. Mainly:
- Anal sex can be (or has been) painful
- Anal sex can be (or has been) messy
And for the most part, they're right. Anal sex, when done improperly, can be messy and painful. Even when all the precautions are taken to ensure pain-free anal sex, it might still be painful.
And even if you make sure to shower, and douche, and take the deepest enema possible, you might still get poop on your penis.
Sort of like my story of "doing the dirty" in Thailand:
Anal Isn't Something You Convince Anyone To Do
Anal sex can be incredibly intimate, and very personal, and just like any other sexual act, it's not something you convince someone to let you do to them.
A better approach is to have a conversation about anal sex. Be curious. Find out why she's not interested in it. Has she had negative experiences in the past? Is she curious but the cleanliness issue and the potential pain are enough to prevent her from trying?
My therapist said the more you communicate, the more your partner will communicate with you. And the more intimacy you develop. Intimacy leads to trust and anal sex is an act that requires a lot of trust on the partner doing the receiving.
Also, the more you talk about sex, the better you'll be at having sex.
So instead of trying to convince her to let you have anal sex with her, try initiating a healthy conversation about her past experiences, her fears, and her hesitations. You'll learn a whole lot more and position yourself to be a better lover for her. And that's more important than closing the deal on anal sex.
Don't Despair, You're Not Entirely Up Shits Creek
Not all hope is lost. Approaching the subject with understanding, compassion, and acceptance is the only right way to approach it. And it just might get you what you're looking for.
If she starts to open up to the idea of having anal sex, then make sure you do everything in your power to make it an awesome experience for her. Blow the first shot and you can kiss anal sex goodbye.
But show her that you're a compassionate, patient, and loving partner and you might just reap the benefits for years to come.
Need some pointers on making anal sex as awesome as possible?