Thinking about cheating on your partner? There are other options, you know.
You could avoid a world of pain for everyone involved by doing these four things, instead of cheating on your partner. Trust me, It'll be better for everyone...
I’ve never caught anyone cheating
Or rather, I don’t think I’ve been cheated on before. It’s not something people admit doing. It’s usually something you get caught doing. I’ve never caught anyone cheating on me. Then again, I never really looked for it. I assume good intentions. And I date good people.
There was one time I thought I was dating someone when I really wasn’t. She was sleeping around and gave me my first STI. I was young, I didn’t know any better. I know better now.
I’ve never cheated
I never saw the point. Why cause so much pain to someone you love? Or claim to love.
Sure, I notice beautiful women. I wonder what they look like naked. Even when I have a girlfriend. But the thought stops there. I don't go further than that. If I wanted to go further I'd break up with my girlfriend.
Hard to recover from cheating
It’s gotta be really fucking hard to recover from infidelity. Cheating must cause irreparable damage to a relationship. I don’t know, I don’t have any experience with it.
How do you start trusting your partner after you find them cheating? How do they begin trusting you again after they find you cheating?
There must be couples who've survived infidelity. It certainly doesn’t get talked about.
Oh Bobby cheated on me but I forgave him. We’re so much stronger now.
I suppose you look at the bigger picture
Was the cheating an isolated event? Is the relationship worth salvaging? Do you have kids together? Will you grow closer from this experience?
I have zero answers to these questions. I wish I did.
You could ask yourself all these questions, or you could just not cheat. It’s that simple.
People cheat for all sorts of reasons
These are educated guesses. I polled zero people to come up with this list.
- They want out of their current relationship. Easier to sabotage than to come clean.
- Have their cake and eat it too. Steady partner at home, exciting lover in a hotel.
- Partner isn’t giving them what they need in bed. Not sexually satisfied. So they look elsewhere.
- Revenge cheat. Get back at their partner for having cheated.
- Fall for another person. Not intentionally looking but falls for Annie in Accounting.
Whatever the reason cheating is a choice
There’s a pivotal moment when you go from not cheating on your partner to totally cheating on your partner.
Usually the event gets set in motion days/weeks/months ahead of the actual cheating. If only you could do a course correction before actually cheating.
I love lists. Here’s a list on helping you not cheat and getting your compass recalibrated.
Four things you can do instead of cheating
1. Don’t do it
Just don’t do it. Don’t cheat. Don't friend them on Facebook. Don't text them sexy photos. Don’t give that person your phone number. If you do give them your phone number don’t have drinks and dinner with them. If you do have drinks and dinner, absolutely do not go home with them. Say “no thank you”. And then feel pretty good about not having cheated on your partner.
2. Talk to your partner
A therapist once told me “the more you communicate with your partner, the more you’ll know.” Talk to them about what’s going on. Whether it’s you not feeling sexually fulfilled, or the feelings you might be developing for another person at work, or that the relationship is feeling stale. If your relationship can’t handle this level of communication then it probably can’t stand the test of time. Talk to your partner. Trust them. Find a solution that works. You might be surprised what you find when you open up to at this level.
3. Talk to a professional
See a therapist or counselor. Tell them you’re thinking about cheating. Let them help you figure out why and what you should do about it. Warning: they’ll probably tell you not to do it. Be prepared for that. They will, however, help you come up with more appropriate solutions to your issue of wanting to cheat.
4. Break up
Just end it. If you’re thinking about cheating on your partner, don’t. Break up with them first and then go have all the sex you want. It’ll suck. Breakups suck. There’s never a good time to do it . But it’s better than cheating on your partner. Way better.
There you go. Four things you can do instead of cheating on your partner. These options will result in a whole lot less pain and shame. Guaranteed.