Category Archives for "Sex"
I was 20 years old, still living at home, and desperate to leave.
I drove up to my parents house and remember seeing my mother outside waiting for me. She was crying and holding a large envelope. I knew exactly what she was holding, I’d been waiting to hear back for weeks.
I wasn’t a good student, but I’d gotten accepted to the University of California at Santa Barbara. The local community college had a transfer agreement with some California universities. Fulfill a certain amount of classes with at least a 2.4 GPA and you’re almost guaranteed a transfer.
They were right. I got a 2.4 GPA and I’d gotten into university. Just barely.
So I moved away to college, and what can I say, it was fun.
My older brother had a friend in college named Kyle. Kyle had a rough upbringing but his life was looking up; he was planning on practicing law.
Until his girlfriend of two months got pregnant because they hadn’t used a condom and she wasn’t on birth control. They didn’t love each other but she had the child and Kyle supported her and the baby.
Kyle loved his child but his relationship with his girlfriend was toxic.
Somehow they ended up having two more kids together before she left him for another man. I don’t think he ever practiced law and his life fell apart even more than it already was.
It’s a common story, it happens all the time. Substitute Kyle with someone you went to high school with and the story probably still holds up.
I’m not sure why he chose to not wear a condom but I have to assume it’s because sex without a condom just feels so good.
We all know that having condom-less sex feel amazing.
That’s what makes using a condom so difficult sometimes, intercourse feels so much juicier and sexier without one. There’s also a closeness that you experience when having intercourse without a condom.
But probably no where near the closeness you’ll experience by having an unplanned child with your girlfriend of two months.
During college my mom and I spoke on the phone every other week or so.
She’d fill me in on what home improvement project she was working and I’d tell her about college life, omitting how many mornings I was hungover and how close I was to failing some really basic classes. I was a terrible student.
Every time we got off the phone, my mom would say the same thing right before hanging up. The conversation always ended like this:
Mom: OK I’ll talk to you later, I love you.
Me: I love you too mom, see ya.
Mom: OK bye……..[whisper] Kyle. [/whisper]
My mom would always whisper “Kyle” into the phone right before hanging up. It made me smile, but it also made me think, and it worked.
I used condoms religiously because I was terrified of getting anyone pregnant. I didn’t want to end up like Kyle.
Sex with a condom is sort of like pizza. No matter how bad it is, it’s still pretty good.
I’ll chose intercourse with a condom over no intercourse any day. It’s a no brainer. I’m a little pickier about pizza however.
I’m still shocked and surprised when a woman I want to have sex with, also wants to have sex with me. I’m so over the fucking moon that I’ll wear a full body condom if I have to (thank goodness, I haven’t had to, yet).
But what about when your partner says it’s OK to not wear a condom? What if that sexy as fuck one night stand tells you that she’s on birth control, or that she can’t get pregnant right now because of where she is in her cycle? Or that it’s OK to pullout?
Me. Not her, or him, or them. Me.
It’s up to me to make sure that I don’t accidentally get anyone pregnant. Unless I’m having sex with a regular partner and we’ve discussed other methods of birth control, I’m going to (almost) always use a condom.
Condoms aren’t 100% effective at protecting against sexually transmitted infections, or pregnancies.
It’s up to me fully disclose my health status with my potential sexual partners, and it’s also up to me to find out as much as I can about my partners before deciding whether to have sex with them.
We need all the information so that we can both make a fully informed decision regarding if and what kind of sex we’re going to be engaging in.
Also, it’s not a bad idea to discuss what to do if there’s an unplanned pregnancy. I should do this more.
All of them.
If I choose to have sex without a condom, then I’m responsible for the consequences of that choice. I’m even responsible if the condom fails. Doesn’t happen often but it has, and it does. I can’t assume that my partner is going to want the same thing I do, and that’s OK.
Yea. Let’s be honest, we’re humans here.
I can count on my hands the number of times in my life when I’ve had casual intercourse with a woman and not used a condom.
I took a calculated risk in each of those cases to not use a condom, and luckily I never got an STI and none of my partners got pregnant. But if they had, I would’ve accepted the consequences of my actions. There’s no other option, because I’m responsible now.
Thinking about having sex without a condom because it feels so good? You’re right. It does. It’s so good.
But just remember,
I love you. [whisper] Kyle [whisper]
Shaun Galanos is The Love Drive. He lives and write in Montreal.
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A friend sent me this blog post by Emma Lindsay, it's making the rounds on social media. It's about why dating men makes her feel like shit. It's good. She's a good writer. She's detailed and elaborate in a way I can only one day hope to be. But then again, I may never get there, men aren't wired to talk about sex.
Her post isn't about why men don't talk about sex, or their sexual feelings. Instead, she argues,
that people who sleep with men tend to feel worse about how they look than people who sleep with women.
She touches on why this is, and it has a lot to do with men's shame around their sexuality. I don't disagree with her, but I'm not ready to write about that quite yet. I still have a lot of shame of my own to unpack.
I’d come back from living in South America and I was broke. Driving taxi was fun at first, and then it was just brutal. And boring.
It’s a hard job. Driving 10 hours a day, getting home at 4 in the morning, frazzled from the beating my central nervous system took. I was cranked up at night and a zombie during the day.
That’s what I tell women on the first date. They order a glass of wine, and I order a soda water. I get a little sideways look, but most don’t care. It’s not an issue for them. I attract people who don’t care.
I bore sloppy drunks and sloppy drunks bore me. We have an understanding to stay out of each others way.
Every now and then people are curious about why I stopped drinking alcohol. I tell them a short story.Continue reading
I got HPV from one of the first people I had sex with. Lame. Nothing like having warts on your dick to really fuck up your self-esteem.
I didn’t want to get treated and I didn’t want to talk about it. I was embarrassed and ashamed. My parents didn’t find out for years. No one knew, not even some of the women I slept with. It was going to be don’t ask, don’t tell from here on out.Continue reading
The answer was a resounding…maybe.
Just like the current state of affairs in the United States, we are a nation divided when it comes to whether ‘no strings attached sex’ exists. Can people fully detach when engaging in the most intimate of activities together? I received 42 replies letting me know.
Let’s dive in.Continue reading
We met in school and started fooling around soon after.
I was 16; she was 18. I brought her around the house. My mom didn’t like her from the beginning; she wasn’t a good person.Continue reading
I’ve always been promiscuous. I lost my virginity at 15. I lost track of how many partners I’ve had. There couldn’t possibly be a problem with having too much sex, could there? There wasn’t until there was.
Being promiscuous started dramatically affecting my sex life.
Could having lots of sex be a problem? For a long time it wasn’t until I realized I was sometimes having sex for the wrong reasons.
My initial solution was to stop having sex altogether until I could figure out what was really happening. I then came up a framework to help me figure out who I should be having sex with. I went from being indiscriminately promiscuous to having a clear idea of when to have sex with someone by using The Brunch Standard.