Category Archives for "Sex"
I’m always looking for shortcuts in life
The shortest line at the grocery store. The shortcut through the gas station parking lot. Graduating from university by doing the least amount of work possible.
Wait. I’m not sure that last one is actually a shortcut but it is a testament to my desire to have as much fun while doing as little work as possible.
Come to think of it, that comes in handy during sex with a new partner.Continue reading
It’s never too late for a do over. Next time you have sex, make it with someone you really want to have sex with
I haven’t had sex since September
6 months. That’s a long time for some, not that long for others.
It’s long time for me, but I’m not worried about it.
I’m happy today, so I’m not looking to change the way I feel by using sex. Or food, booze, drugs, shopping, or cigarettes.Continue reading
I was 20 years old, still living at home, and desperate to leave.
I drove up to my parents house and remember seeing my mother outside waiting for me. She was crying and holding a large envelope. I knew exactly what she was holding, I’d been waiting to hear back for weeks.
I wasn’t a good student, but I’d gotten accepted to the University of California at Santa Barbara. The local community college had a transfer agreement with some California universities. Fulfill a certain amount of classes with at least a 2.4 GPA and you’re almost guaranteed a transfer.
They were right. I got a 2.4 GPA and I’d gotten into university. Just barely.
So I moved away to college, and what can I say, it was fun.
My older brother had a friend in college named Kyle. Kyle had a rough upbringing but his life was looking up; he was planning on practicing law.
Until his girlfriend of two months got pregnant because they hadn’t used a condom and she wasn’t on birth control. They didn’t love each other but she had the child and Kyle supported her and the baby.
Kyle loved his child but his relationship with his girlfriend was toxic.
Somehow they ended up having two more kids together before she left him for another man. I don’t think he ever practiced law and his life fell apart even more than it already was.
It’s a common story, it happens all the time. Substitute Kyle with someone you went to high school with and the story probably still holds up.
I’m not sure why he chose to not wear a condom but I have to assume it’s because sex without a condom just feels so good.
We all know that having condom-less sex feel amazing.
That’s what makes using a condom so difficult sometimes, intercourse feels so much juicier and sexier without one. There’s also a closeness that you experience when having intercourse without a condom.
But probably no where near the closeness you’ll experience by having an unplanned child with your girlfriend of two months.
During college my mom and I spoke on the phone every other week or so.
She’d fill me in on what home improvement project she was working and I’d tell her about college life, omitting how many mornings I was hungover and how close I was to failing some really basic classes. I was a terrible student.
Every time we got off the phone, my mom would say the same thing right before hanging up. The conversation always ended like this:
Mom: OK I’ll talk to you later, I love you.
Me: I love you too mom, see ya.
Mom: OK bye……..[whisper] Kyle. [/whisper]
My mom would always whisper “Kyle” into the phone right before hanging up. It made me smile, but it also made me think, and it worked.
I used condoms religiously because I was terrified of getting anyone pregnant. I didn’t want to end up like Kyle.
Sex with a condom is sort of like pizza. No matter how bad it is, it’s still pretty good.
I’ll chose intercourse with a condom over no intercourse any day. It’s a no brainer. I’m a little pickier about pizza however.
I’m still shocked and surprised when a woman I want to have sex with, also wants to have sex with me. I’m so over the fucking moon that I’ll wear a full body condom if I have to (thank goodness, I haven’t had to, yet).
But what about when your partner says it’s OK to not wear a condom? What if that sexy as fuck one night stand tells you that she’s on birth control, or that she can’t get pregnant right now because of where she is in her cycle? Or that it’s OK to pullout?
Me. Not her, or him, or them. Me.
It’s up to me to make sure that I don’t accidentally get anyone pregnant. Unless I’m having sex with a regular partner and we’ve discussed other methods of birth control, I’m going to (almost) always use a condom.
Condoms aren’t 100% effective at protecting against sexually transmitted infections, or pregnancies.
It’s up to me fully disclose my health status with my potential sexual partners, and it’s also up to me to find out as much as I can about my partners before deciding whether to have sex with them.
We need all the information so that we can both make a fully informed decision regarding if and what kind of sex we’re going to be engaging in.
Also, it’s not a bad idea to discuss what to do if there’s an unplanned pregnancy. I should do this more.
All of them.
If I choose to have sex without a condom, then I’m responsible for the consequences of that choice. I’m even responsible if the condom fails. Doesn’t happen often but it has, and it does. I can’t assume that my partner is going to want the same thing I do, and that’s OK.
Yea. Let’s be honest, we’re humans here.
I can count on my hands the number of times in my life when I’ve had casual intercourse with a woman and not used a condom.
I took a calculated risk in each of those cases to not use a condom, and luckily I never got an STI and none of my partners got pregnant. But if they had, I would’ve accepted the consequences of my actions. There’s no other option, because I’m responsible now.
Thinking about having sex without a condom because it feels so good? You’re right. It does. It’s so good.
But just remember,
I love you. [whisper] Kyle [whisper]
Shaun Galanos is The Love Drive. He lives and write in Montreal.
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A friend sent me this blog post by Emma Lindsay, it's making the rounds on social media. It's about why dating men makes her feel like shit. It's good. She's a good writer. She's detailed and elaborate in a way I can only one day hope to be. But then again, I may never get there, men aren't wired to talk about sex.
Her post isn't about why men don't talk about sex, or their sexual feelings. Instead, she argues,
that people who sleep with men tend to feel worse about how they look than people who sleep with women.
She touches on why this is, and it has a lot to do with men's shame around their sexuality. I don't disagree with her, but I'm not ready to write about that quite yet. I still have a lot of shame of my own to unpack.
I'd come back from living in South America and I was broke. Driving taxi was fun at first, and then it was just brutal. And boring.
It's a hard job. Driving 10 hours a day, getting home at 4 in the morning, frazzled from the beating my central nervous system took. I was cranked up at night and a zombie during the day.
A few months in, a friend suggested I record the conversations I was having in my cab. She always has good ideas for what I should do with my life. I don't give her enough credit. Thanks Ali. I love you.
I bought cameras and microphones. Each day I would grab the cab, drive it home, wire it up, and hit the streets. The Love Drive was born.
Here's a short behind the scenes video my friend made. He's a talented filmmaker, it's a good film and it's short, just over 5 mins. I look really goofy in it.
I started making videos. Here are all the videos I made in my taxi. Along with the videos, I wrote some articles.
The more videos I made and the more articles I wrote, the more people wanted to collaborate with me.
The Good Men Project published an article I wrote about being turned down for a job, because of my website. They thought I was a player and that I'd hit on their employees and clients. I might've, I don't know. It's a fun article to read. It explains how I got here.
I was approached by an Australian TV Network looking to hire a host for a show on sex and love. They saw my videos on YouTube and thought I'd be a great fit. We emailed and skyped a bunch but it never materialized into anything. Bummer.
Why am I telling you this?
Action begets action. The more sex you have, the more sex you'll have. You'll get better at it, which will boost your confidence. Confidence is sexy, which will lead you to more sex.
More sex leads to increased testosterone. Increase testosterone leads to more sex.
You get the point. It's a self rewarding and self reinforcing loop. It's great when you're in it.
Not so great when you're not.
Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People said it best,
Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.
Let's look at the actions of highly sexual people, and incorporate them into what we're already doing. It's not about starting from scratch, it's about adding to, and fine tuning, what we're already doing.
These actions will turn into habits, and those habits will become part of your character. And then, your highly sexual destiny. Let's do it.
Stand on a street corner and ask ten people if they'll have sex with you. I'm told one will eventually say yes, but probably not before getting kicked in the balls nine times. Don't do this.
Instead, flirt shamelessly.
Highly sexual people look for opportunities to flirt. Flirting leads to dates, which leads to sex. Usually.
Start taking more risks. Remember, you'll also get rejected more, but that's OK. Not sure how to handle rejection? When someone turns you down say, "my loss" with a smile, and walk away. Works every time.
Learning to ask for what you want will significantly increase your chances of getting what you want.
If after a successful first or second date, your date asks you if you want to watch a movie, say this instead,
Learn to ask for what you want with confidence. The worse case scenario is that she says no, in which case, you can always go watch a movie.
Try things you've never tried before. Take a class or workshop at your local adult sex shop. Try new techniques. Ask out someone you wouldn't normally ask out.
It'll make you a more adventurous lover, and it'll increase your sexual confidence. Sexual confidence leads to more sex. We know this already.
Working out will make you look better naked which will boost your confidence with women, and will make you more attractive. The side effects are great too. Lower stress, better health, better sleep. But it's really about the mirror.
Exercise. Be proud of your body. Do basic grooming: nails trimmed, teeth cleaned, hair did. Nothing extreme, just the basics.
The better you feel, the sexier you'll feel. Increased confidence leads to more sex, every time.
With friends, partners, strangers (if it's appropriate). The more you do it the better you'll be at it. It's like any skill. It'll be awkward, until it's not.
Learn to talk about what you want, learn to ask your partner what they want, and learn to talk about sexual health. Getting used to talking about sex will make it easier for you to bring up. Bringing up sex in conversation can be a turn on. Turning someone on leads to more sex.
It's sex. It's awkward. Two (or more) people rubbing their body parts together to make good feelings. Could it be any more awkward?
It's also fun, scary, amazing, and intimate.
Take the air out of the situation by not taking it too seriously. Have fun with it. Remember to laugh; sex is also really funny. Falling off the bed, spontaneous leg cramps, accidental farting. All funny.
The less serious you make it, the less will be at stake. Low stakes equals less stress, which leads to a more relaxed attitude about sex.
Focus on giving pleasure instead of receiving pleasure. Learn to ask your partner what turns them on. Not sure how? Say this:
What turns you on?
Is there anything that you'd like me to do for you?
How can I bring you pleasure?
People like to be asked what turns them on. It makes them feel special and wanted. They might hesitate a bit at first, because it's not often that people ask the question, but they'll come around to it.
When your partner is taken care of, you're taken care of. It's the basic principle of the book, She Comes First, which should be required reading. Buy it here and read it now.
Incorporate this into your daily life. Learn new skills, take a workshop, flirt with strangers, learn to talk about sex. Take care of your partner if you have one. Definitely take care of your body.
And then let go of the results. This won't happen overnight but the changes will come over time.
After all, you're a masterpiece in the making. And you're beautiful.
Shaun Galanos is The Love Drive. He lives and writes in Montreal.
That’s what I tell women on the first date. They order a glass of wine, and I order a soda water. I get a little sideways look, but most don’t care. It’s not an issue for them. I attract people who don’t care.
I bore sloppy drunks and sloppy drunks bore me. We have an understanding to stay out of each others way.
Every now and then people are curious about why I stopped drinking alcohol. I tell them a short story.Continue reading
I got HPV from one of the first people I had sex with. Lame. Nothing like having warts on your dick to really fuck up your self-esteem.
I didn’t want to get treated and I didn’t want to talk about it. I was embarrassed and ashamed. My parents didn’t find out for years. No one knew, not even some of the women I slept with. It was going to be don’t ask, don’t tell from here on out.Continue reading
The answer was a resounding…maybe.
Just like the current state of affairs in the United States, we are a nation divided when it comes to whether ‘no strings attached sex’ exists. Can people fully detach when engaging in the most intimate of activities together? I received 42 replies letting me know.
Let’s dive in.Continue reading
We met in school and started fooling around soon after.
I was 16; she was 18. I brought her around the house. My mom didn’t like her from the beginning; she wasn’t a good person.Continue reading