Category Archives for "Love"
I wasn’t always 100% me.
I often did things or said things that I thought you wanted me to do or say, because I desperately wanted you to love me and accept me.
Not being myself came at a price, though. The more I did for you, the less I did for me.
Here's how being yourself will help you conquer life and find love, all the while loving yourself more than you ever have.
The sun was out in Montreal and the temperature was bearable. It felt like spring. I like spring. Everything starts to thaw, including people's desire to connect. Exciting.
I packed up my recording gear and my free love advice sign and headed up the mountain. The goal was to give free love advice to people at the top of Mont Royal. I had no idea I'd run into so many lonely and single people.
Then I asked people walking by if they needed free love advice.
Most people smiled and kept walking. This is a common reaction. They see the tripod and the camera and they prefer to not get involved. I completely understand, I'm used to it.
People in San Francisco were the same way when I used to record them in my taxicab.
I'm still not used to being in front of the camera, it scares the shit out of me. But I do it anyway. I do things that scare me to find out if they're going to kill me.
They haven't yet so I'll probably continue.
They have all the love they need. At least that's what they tell me as they walk by.
Oh I'm good, thanks! Happily married!
I beg them to tell me their secrets but they walk on smiling smugly to themselves.
They look like they know something the rest of us don't, but I suspect otherwise.
Talking about love makes some people uncomfortable. Easier to say you're all full up than to admit you might be needing a little extra.
Especially the folks that are lonely and single. And I talked to a few yesterday.
Three separate people came up to me and told me they didn't need free love advice because they didn't have any love in their life.
It was sad, and raw, but it was real.
They told me they had some love in their life, just not romantic love.
I asked one woman how long she's been single and she asked me what year it was. Oh, that long.
That's cool, I could relate.
I've been single and lonely a few years now. It wasn't my plan, but that's how it worked out. I've had 3 girlfriends in the past 8 years but none have lasted more than 9 months.
So I've been single for 6 out of the last 8 years.
Hmmmm. Looks like I'm the one who could use free love advice.
Even though I'm single and have been for awhile, today, I'm happy.
No, definitely not.I've been single and lonely more than I care to admit.
I've spent long stretches of time lonely and single. I've wasted a lot of time looking for love and coming up empty handed.
Online dating seemed like the way out of being lonely and single so I threw myself into. Then I quit Tinder in Chattanooga because it was a waste of time and energy.
I turned to pornography because how else was I going to satisfy my urges? Then I quit that too because I was using it to change the way I feel and I didn't like it.
Finding someone to be with wasn't going to solve my sadness and my loneliness. This was an inside job.
I didn't want to be lonely anymore. When I was lonely I was mostly sad. Being single I could handle, but I needed to be happy as well.
Until I could be happy with myself and happy in my daily life as a single person, I didn't stand a chance to meet someone to share my life with.
I love steps and I love lists, here's another for you.
Stop looking for that hundred dollar bill, it's getting in the way of living your life. Stay open to meeting new people, but stop looking for love everywhere you go.
When you meet new people try to find out three interesting things about them. That's it. Connection is the new goal, not finding love.
Life is more fun when it's interesting so do interesting things. Write a list of 10 things you've always wanted to do and do the top three most interesting.
Here's what I did: started doing standup comedy, joined a badminton league, and started making videos on YouTube. The more interesting things you do the richer your life will be.
Exercise everyday, eat well, and get more sleep.
Get moderate exercise on a daily basis. You don't need rest days if you vary your exercises. I either run, lift, and play badminton every day.
Cut out sugar form your diet. It's not a nutrient, your body doesn't need it. My moods have stabilized because I no longer eat sugar.
Get more sleep. I needed to go to bed earlier to get more sleep so I stopped watching TV. I don't miss it.
Spend more time with loved ones. If your family brings you joy, then spend more time with them or call them more often.
Prioritize spending time with people who make you feel good. They won't replace romantic or sexual love but they'll contribute to your long term happiness.
It'll satisfy your need for touch, at least for a little while. Too horny to get a massage? Take a freezing cold shower first, trust me, you won't be horny anymore.
Live in action and stay busy. Work hard, explore new projects, develop a new skill, and find a new hobby.
Staying active will help you become more engaged with the world. It'll also help you feel more fulfilled.
Also, it's hard to feel lonely when you're busy and interacting with the world on a daily basis. The world is a wonderful place to be, engage with it.
This one isn't a step. This is what you should do every waking moment of your life.
Without self love, we're completely incapable of loving anyone else.
Love yourself as hard as you can and do everything in your power to cultivate self love. Other people's love will come and go, but you can have all the self love you want. You're worth it.
Single again, my girlfriend at the time and I had just broken up. It happened on my birthday over fancy pizza in Oakland. Some birthdays you remember, some you forget. I won’t forget this one.
I’m not sure what happened. She wanted to be in love. I loved her, but I wasn’t in love anymore. It was sad. I still love her.
Both my most recent ex girlfriends had dogs.
I’d dog sit occasionally, and loved having them around. There’s nothing quite like a dog greeting you at the door after you get home. It’s nice to always have someone to go on a walk with, and someone to cuddle with at night.
Also, I was lonely, single, and sad.Continue reading
I’ve been there more times than I care to admit.
OK, it’s five. Five times.
Every woman I’ve been in a relationship with (5 so far), I fantasize about our future together. No matter how much I try to stay grounded in reality, when I first meet a new partner, my mind goes to the same place.
But I’m not alone in engaging in Fantasyland talk. Most of the time, my partner joins in. After 1 month of dating my crazy ex, we already had a short list of baby names picked out. We’d have two girls.
We’re not dating anymore, obviously, but if you’re curious, here’s the short list: Scout, Kirby, Lennon, Chase, Ariadne, and Maisy. That’s right, we’d be those kinds of people.
And I’m probably not the only one.
I fucking wish we were taking crazy pills. Then we could all stop and realize that it was just a nightmare.
Go back to bed sweetie everything’s gonna be alright.
But it’s not a crazy, horrible, fucked up nightmare. It’s crazy, horrible, fucked up reality.
Last week I made the decision to write about Love on Mondays. But today I just want to crawl back to bed and forget about it all. Unfortunately shutting it out won’t make it go away. We need to choose love.Continue reading
It’s no secret I want love
After all I didn’t move to Montreal for the bagels. I came here for love. And the cheap rent. And the bagels.
I’ve been single a few years now. I was supposed to be married with two kids by the age of thirty. Things don’t always work out the way you’d planned them, do they?
Love happens when it happens. I tell people that shit all the time. Don’t look for love; it’ll come to you when you least expect it. That's always been my advice. You'd think I would know better by now.
But I don’t always do as I say. Despite my better judgement, I still find myself looking for love.
A shift in my way of thinking and seeing the world. I start looking at women a bit differently. I notice them more on the street. My sense of awareness is heightened. I'm intimately aware of their presence in my surroundings.
I think of past partners and lovers. Were any of them ‘the one?’ I exchange text messages with some of them; just to say hi but really it’s to gauge the temperature. Is there anything still there? Was she 'the one who got away'? What does that even mean? I'm not sure, but I don't think it's real.
People don’t get back together, but I still wonder if it’s possible. Probably not. Breakups happen for a reason.
I’m fully looking for love now.
I'm looking outside myself for a source of fulfillment, pleasure, and validation. I want a partner because I want to be wanted and I want to be loved. I want to feel different than how I currently feel.
Trying online dating again starts to sound like a good idea. I know it’s not. I’d quit Tinder in Chattanooga. I won’t find anything on there I didn’t already find. Lots of potential connections resulting in very few actual connections.
At this point I've fully stepped into a dream world. I’m 100% completely disconnected from reality.
Every time I see a pretty woman I start imaginary conversations with them. But I skip the small talk. I don’t have time for small talk. I’m looking for love here. This is serious business.
“Are you the one? You? Is it you? Are you my partner? Should we go out? Are you the one? My future ex wife? Are we going to have kids together?”
So high that it prevents me from starting a conversation with anyone in real life. While I'm in fantasy land, I'm also going through my day in reality land.
How does one even approach the future love of your life?
Living in fantasy land has blocked me from engaging with anyone in reality land. I've sabotaged any potential encounter with a woman. I can't possibly approach anyone because I just don't know where to start.
Everything I've ever learned about approaching someone I'm interested in automatically goes out the window. Poof. I lose all hope of connection.
OK cowboy, reel it in. I catch myself doing it again. I’ve become disconnected from reality and I slowly return to Earth.
This happens to me. Sometimes often, sometimes less so. It depends on what’s going on in my life. It happened last month while traveling in Tokyo.
So far this month, it hasn't happened.
It's a distraction.
A distraction from what’s really important in life.
Writing. Working. Staying active. Eating well. Roger the dog. Connecting with family. Staying in touch with old friends; making new ones. Deepening my spiritual practice. Staying away from pornography. Sleeping well. Waking up early. Talking to you.
You know, the important stuff.
Looking for love is like looking for a hundred dollar bill on the ground. You can look for it but the chances of finding it are slim to none.
I've spent years looking for that hundred dollar bill. Is that it? Over there? Under here? Maybe this is a hundred dollar bill?
Nope. It's not even a dollar bill.
You don't have to be in love to experience love. It's everywhere around you, if you choose to see it.
You can love your friends, your pets, your family, your work. Your body, your home, your life. Films, books, TV. Music.
But most importantly you can love yourself.
And you better. Because you're the only person that has to live with yourself every day of your life.
Oh, and remember this:
You can stop looking for that hundred dollar bill. You are the one hundred dollar bill.
Thinking about cheating on your partner? There are other options, you know.
You could avoid a world of pain for everyone involved by doing these four things, instead of cheating on your partner. Trust me, It'll be better for everyone...
I was completely pathetic after the breakup. Still pinning for her. She wanted nothing to do with me. “Don’t contact me for 6 months” she said.
I flew to Europe to get away. Spending time abroad would make things better. It didn’t. I was hopelessly lovesick. Co-dependant. I couldn’t enjoy my time. I didn’t sleep well. “We’re gonna get back together” I thought. Continue reading
You know you’ve been wanting to so here’s your chance. I’m giving you the go ahead to break up with your partner. Do it!Continue reading