last year

There is no good time to break up so might as well do it now

break up

2016 sucked. Make it suck a bit more by breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend right now

You know you’ve been wanting to so here’s your chance. I’m giving you the go ahead to break up with your partner. Do it!

I had just gotten fired from Google when I met her

At the age of 22 I’d gone into a temp agency to apply for a video game testing position and left with an interview to work for Google. Once on campus I was hired on the spot to work in the HR department scheduling interviews. Pretty cool first job.

I was promptly fired 3 months in when I accidentally sent a personal email to an internal email list. The email contained several expletives (fuck this and fuck that) and went out to 1,300 employees. Since I was a contractor, I was escorted out 10 minutes after sending the email. The termination paperwork was still warm when it was given to me, fresh out of the printer.

I stood in the parking lot holding the lava lamp I’d grabbed on the way out. Hired and fired from Google at 22. My dad was right, I was a fuck up.

Work friends organized a going away dinner at Nola’s, a well known cougar den in Palo Alto. I was killing time outside waiting for my friends when she walked up to me.

“Are you Jason?”

I was stunned because she was stunning. I’d never met anyone so classy before. I was fresh out of college. My friends and I spent most of our time taking bong hits and playing videos games. I didn’t mingle with classy people. But this was Palo Alto, and this was Nola’s, a well known cougar den. She was way out of my league. We didn’t even play the same game.

“That’s me, I’m Jason.” I reply quickly. Good thinking Shaun. Smart.

I figured she was on a blind date. This was before smart phones so she didn’t know what he looked like. We hit it off. We chatted for about 10 minutes outside until it was time to come clean with her.

“I’m sorry. I’m not Jason. I just really wanted to talk to you so. ” I told her, wincing, waiting for her to walk away.

She didn’t say a word for a few beats. Fuck. Then she smirked and handed me her business card.

“I have to find Jason. You should call me”

We went out the next day. Then we started dating. She was 10 years older than me. A successful marketing manager and futures trader. She lived in Palo Alto and drove a new Audi S4 which she wouldn’t let me drive. Did I mention she was smart?

We had fun together. We dated for 4 months. I spent most nights at her house. We’d spend the weekend at her folks ranch in Mariposa, just outside of Yosemite. We talked about the future, whether we had one together.

She wanted kids and so did I

I convinced myself that I was ready. I wasn’t. She knew it. I was 22 years old. I still took bong hits and played video games!

She broke up with me. She loved being with me but as long as we were together she wasn’t available to anyone else. And she wanted a partner she could have kids with. She knew I wasn’t that partner and as much as she loved being with me, we had to break up so that she could be available for someone else.

I was sad but I understood. She prioritized herself. She wanted kids so she aligned her choices based on her priorities. I couldn’t fault her for it.

She didn’t live in fear

She wasn’t scared of not finding her partner. She knew I wasn’t it so she broke up with me. It was an easy choice for her. She didn’t live in fear.

People often stay in relationships past the expiry date. They stay out of fear. Fear of being alone, fear of making a mistake, fear of change, or fear of hurting their partners.

They stay because it’s easier than breaking up. They’re happy enough with their current partner. They know it’s not working out but breaking up is just so inconvenient. They have joint expenses. They have a cat. Someone needs to find a new apartment. In this market? Forget it.

The sex is gone and they stay

They’re more like great roommates than lovers. The break up is inevitable but does it have to happen now? I’ve been there. We were having sex once a week. I called it maintenance sex, to fool myself that everything was fine.

Others are terrified of not finding someone else or making a huge mistake. What if he’s the one? What if she’s the one? It’s easier to stay than to risk being alone.

Others are mortified of hurting their partner. The relationship is over but they don’t want to hurt their partner. So they stay and everyone pays the price. They’re deceiving their partners by not being honest about their feelings. No one is able to move on when that’s precisely what needs to happen.

You should probably just break up with your partner

If you’re thinking about breaking up with your partner you should probably get it over with.

There’s never a good time to break up. Actually now is a great time to break up. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the holidays, or his birthday is coming up, or if you’re going to Thailand. If you’re miserable just get it over with. There’s always going to be a reason why now isn’t the right time.

Do it. Rip the bandaid off. You’ll feel so much better. Then you can both start to heal. Unless the break up is truly mutual which we both know its not, it’s going to hurt and it’s going to suck. But it won’t suck forever. If you’re graceful and loving during your breakup you can absolutely transition to friendship when the time is right.

There’s no point in waiting

Waiting is not going to make it any easier. It’ll suck even more if you wait after their birthday because they’ll know you waited. The nicest thing you can do is end your relationship if you think it needs ending.

I’m not advocating that you break up if your relationship needs work. All relationships need work. If you still want to be with your partner then use this opportunity to work out whatever you need to work out.

This is for those that know the relationship is on life support. Don’t delay the inevitable. Pull the plug. Sit down with your partner and break up with them. Do it gently, do it lovingly, but do it now.

Then the world will have more sexy single people and we could always use more of those.

 Shaun Galanos is the The Love Drive. He lives and writes in Montreal.

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Shaun Galanos

Shaun Galanos is The Love Drive. He believes we all deserve love and works to help men (and women) develop more intimate relationships through honest and playful communication. He lives, writes, and makes videos in Montreal.

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