I wasn’t always 100% me.
I often did things or said things that I thought you wanted me to do or say, because I desperately wanted you to love me and accept me.
Not being myself came at a price, though. The more I did for you, the less I did for me.
Here's how being yourself will help you conquer life and find love, all the while loving yourself more than you ever have.
Why Be Myself When I Could Be a Chameleon?
Earlier in life I did things and said things that I thought you wanted me to do, because I wanted to be loved and accepted by you.
I was so terrified of being judged my you, that I did whatever I thought you wanted me to do so that I could fit in.
I thought that acceptance and belonging were more important than being myself. I was desperate to fit in.
It also seemed easier to fit into your idea of what you wanted me to be, than to find out who I really was. Life was confusing enough as it was without also having to find out who I was.
Turns out that finding and understand ones self is a lifelong quest, but one definitely worth embarking on.
Let’s skip the small talk and just dive right in, shall we?
Here’s your cheatsheet to conquering life and finding love by being yourself 100%.
How To Conquer Your Life By Being Yourself 100%
1. Be Unapologetically You
You are beautiful just the way you are, warts and all.
Speaking Of Warts...
When was the last time you were tested? If it’s been more than 6 months and you’re sexually active, consider calling your local clinic right now and scheduling an appointment.
It’s OK, we’ll wait.
Better? Read on…
Perfection is an illusion to keep us in everlasting fear of showing everyone that we’re not perfect. We’re so far from perfect that perfection isn’t even a worthwhile goal.
All humans are deeply flawed. Embrace the flaws and do the best you can at all times.
And understand that the best is sometimes really shitty. Oh so shitty. And that’s OK.
2. Identify What You Want And Go for It
How can you accomplish anything if you don’t know what you want?
Write a list of ten things you want to accomplish, no matter how small. Every now and then take out the list. Modify it if some of those goals are not longer important to you, or if you’ve achieved them.
Here’s my list:
- Be a guest on Ellen and talk about honest and playful communication
- Build a house in the country (within 1 hours drive of an international airport)
- Build a stream of passive income that will allow me to live and work while traveling
- Meet a partner to love, live with, and travel with
- Lose some abdominal fat so that I can be healthier and see my abs
- Get 1,000 YouTube Subscribers (wanna help? Click here)
- Get 1,000 email list subscribers (wanna help? Click here)
- Improve at public speaking and presentations. Start by joining toastmasters and starting a monthly workshop
- Significantly increase the quality and quantity of my sleep
- Find more ways to entertain and educate people through The Love Drive
Make your own list. Don’t stop at ten. Write down everything you want to accomplish.
3. Stop Caring What Other People Think Of You, Right Now
What other people think of you is none of your business.
It’s true. Caring what other people think will absolutely prevent you from accomplishing what you want to accomplish. It’s the largest barrier to being yourself.
Being yourself is hard enough as it is without having to care what other people think about you.
People will be threatened when they see you being yourself 100%. They’re threatened because they’re jealous that you’re doing what they don’t have the courage to do.
And let’s be clear here, being yourself 100% takes a metric fuckton of courage. It really does. And so does not caring what other people think. I struggle with this on a daily basis.
And I consistently push through the struggle to create and publish my content even when I’m terrified that it won’t be received well.
And then I realize that it doesn’t matter one iota if it’s received well.
Because what other people think of me is none of my business.
How To Find Love By Being Yourself 100%
1. Love Yourself Harder Than Anyone Else Ever Could
Practice self love above all else. Make loving yourself your number #1 priority.
I’m totally useless to anyone else if I’m not loving to myself first. So I make loving myself a daily practice.
What Does Loving Ones Self Look Like? Here's A Short List:
- Exercising every day
- Getting enough quality sleep
- Taking care of my mental health
- Surrounding myself with loved ones
- Doing good work on a daily basis
- Challenging myself
- Cultivating honesty in all my relationships
- Saying yes to things that I want more of (intimacy, challenge, health, growth, love)
- Saying no to things I want less of (ice cream, jealousy, toxic relationships, slothfulness)
Self love will carry you through the periods when it feels like no one really understand you, or loves you.
And there’s something incredibly beautiful about seeing someone who absolutely loves themselves (in a non-narcissistic way of course)
2. Make Cultivating All Kinds Of Love A Priority In Your Life
Love doesn’t just come from your romantic partner.
We’re taught and conditioned to believe that if we don’t have romantic and sexual love that we’re not really experiencing love. And that’s simply not true.
Cultivate love in everything you do and with everyone you meet.
Prioritize friends and family who love you and make you feel loved, and reduce the amount of time you spend with people who don't bring love to your life. You don't choose your family but you do choose who you spend time with.
Love your work. If you’re not in a position to love your work, love the attention and the quality of work that you bring to your work.
Not everyone can have a dream job, but we can all be proud of the kind of work we bring to the table on a daily basis.
3. Find Out What You Want And Learn To Ask For It
The best way to get what you want is to find out what it is, and learn to ask for it.
This goes for life as it does for love. If you’re more interested in casual sex, be honest about it. If you’re looking for a long term committed partner, tell your date that's what your intentions are.
The sooner you can communicate your goals, desires, and intentions in life the sooner you let others know what you're all about. Which will significantly increases your chances of finding someone who'll want to come along for the ride.
4. Now Let It All Go. All Of It.
Yup. All of it.
Everything I just told you to do, do it, but with no expectations of any specific results.
What I’ve learned in this short time here living this life is that life unfolds in mysterious ways. What I thought was going to be great for me ended up being not so great.
At the same time, I’ve had plenty of experiences that were painful and unpleasant at the time that have absolutely turned out for the best, and have shaped me to be the person that I am today.
So let it all go.
Let go of what you think your perfect job or partner will look like.
Let go of your perfectionism and of what other people think about you.
Let go of what you think you know, and what being yourself actually means, or looks like.
Being Yourself Is The Only Way To Live Life
Life is already exhausting without having to please everyone and caring about what everyone thinks.
Take all the energy you'd normally expend on pleasing others and caring about what others think, and turn it towards yourself.
Put it towards loving yourself, your friends, your family, and your work. Spend all that energy cultivating love in every aspect of your life.
Love yourself so much and know that while being yourself can sometimes be lonely, and is often challenging and feel like too much work, it’s absolutely the only way to truly conquer life and find love.