Is Tinder actually hurting your chances of meeting a woman to spend quality time with?
How can an app specifically designed to help you meet someone hurt your chances of meeting someone?
I'll show you 7 ways that Tinder and other dating apps are actually hurting your chances of meeting someone exciting to spend time with.
I Just Downloaded Tinder
For the fourth time this month.
There's no other app I have such a love hate relationship with. I've never deleted my calculator app because I didn't like the way it made me feel, only to download it again one late and lonely Friday night. Not once.
Tinder however, I've deleted and re-downloaded four times in the last month.
I Quit Tinder Last Year
I didn't like the way it made me feel. I was using Tinder to escape my feelings.
I wasn't using it to meet interesting people, I was using it to meet people to have casual sex with because I was sad and lonely. I thought having sex would make me feel better. And it worked, sort of. During sex I'd forget how sad and lonely I was.
But after I was left feeling just as bad and sometimes even worse. I was using sex to change the way I feel and I was using people to help me fill the emotional void from being lonely and sad.
I want to connect with a woman because I find her interesting, not because of what she can do for me, or what hole she can fill.
Online Dating Isn't All Bad
I've met some amazing people though online dating sites and apps. I met my last girlfriend on OKCupid. We're not together anymore but we're still great friends.
Tinder and other apps do serve a purpose. They're great at helping people get together. But a recent 2016 study by Pew Research showed that fully one third of online daters hadn't even gone on a date with someone they met online.
What?! Read the study here.
One third of people you're chatting with and hopping to go on a date with aren't using Tinder to meet people. They're using it for fun, ego validation, distraction, or to kill time.
I don't blame them though. That's what I ended up using Tinder for as well.
To distract myself, to amuse myself, to kill some time, or because I wanted the emotional thumbs up I get every time someone matches with my profile.
If used sparingly, and for the purposes of meeting people online, dating apps and sites can be useful.
But for the most part, they're a waste of time and are turning us into jaded, lazy, armchair daters who are losing the ability to have meaningful relationship with people in real life.
Read on to find out how Tinder is ruining your life and what you can do about it.
7 Ways Tinder Is Stopping You From Meeting Her
1. It's Making You Lazy
Instead of going out and meeting people, you're choosing to stay in hoping to meet the love of your life from the comfort of your couch. It's the equivalent of expecting a shredded gym body by doing a 6 minute ab routine twice a week.
You get out of life what you put into it. Connections are made in real life, not on your smartphone.
2. It's A Huge Waste of Time
For every hour you spend swiping, matching, and chatting, people in real life are meeting other people in real life.
I met more people at the park yesterday in two hours of walking around and starting conversations that I would have in a week of sitting at home swiping.
3. It Devalues Human Beings
You place less value on people you meet online. You're more likely to flake on someone you meet online then someone you meet in your friend circle. Online dating is making us less kind because we're looking as people online as disposable.
It shouldn't matter where or how you meet someone. We're all humans doing the best we can, looking for connection and love.
4. It's Making You Numb
Mindless swiping and matching is no different than mindless social media consumption or mindless TV watching. Swiping right is turning you into a zombie.
The more you bury your head in your phone, the less engaged and present you are with the world. The love of your life might be walking by but you're too busy chatting with an online dater who doesn't even go on dates to realize it. Ooops.
5. It's Not Making You a More Interesting Person
You're not growing as a person or learning anything new when swiping and chatting on dating apps.
I meet interesting people by doing interesting things. The side effect is that even if you don't meet anyone interesting, you're still growing as a human being and becoming a more interesting person. Which, by the way, is attractive to women and generally just badass.
6. It's Giving You Unrealistic Expectations
If the first date isn't a slam dunk and full of chemistry, you're moving on to the next woman in a seemingly endless stream of potential partners.
Attraction can build up over time. If the first date was fun, go on a second and third date to see if the chemistry and attraction increases. You could be flushing the love of your life on the first date because it wasn't the fireworks you were expecting.
7. It's Skewing Your View of Who You're Actually Attracted To
What you think you're attracted to and what you're actually attracted to are two different things. You're probably swiping left on people you would find attractive in real life but that don't look like your type online.
I would have swiped left on all my ex girlfriends because they don't look like what I thought my type was. Turns out I can't trust what I think my type is and the only way to know is to meet someone in real life and spend time with them.
So What Now?
Delete your dating apps and disable your online dating profiles for 30 days.
You can do anything for 30 days. Trust me.
When you feel the urge to download Tinder or log on to some other dating site, redirect your attention to something more constructive.
Go for a 30 minute walk without your phone. Find a free meet up to attend. Call a friend and schedule a lunch date. Grab a book from the pile of unread books I know you have somewhere in your house.
Walk up to one stranger and say hi. The ask them what's exciting in their world and listen to what they have to say.
There's a time and place for online dating and swiping apps but for the next 30 days, there's no time and place. We're going to do something different this time around.
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